Posted by frankster (24.112.227.108) on April 30, 2001 at 21:47:48:
I don't post here much, I read most every post, and really get a lot of strength from all of you. God knows we need that. I agree that a "newbie" should enter thru the front door and take heed the instructions, tips and so on. Let us all stay level-headed, be humble and kind.
Here some excerpts from Dale Carnegie's book "How to Win Friends and Influence People"
You can't win an arguement.
A man convinced against his will is of the same opinion still.
If you argue wrankle and contradict, you may acheive a victory sometimes, but it will be an empty victory, because you will never gain your opponent's good will.
Welcome the disagreement. Remember the slogan, "when two partners always agree, one of them is not necessary
Distrust you first impression.
Our first natural reaction in a disagreeable situation is to be defensive. Be careful and watch out for your first reaction. It may be you at your worst, not your best.
Control your temper. Remember you can measure the size of a person by what makes him or her angry.
Listen first. Give your opponent a chance to talk. Let them finish. Do not resist, defend or debate. This only raises barriers. Try to build bridges of understanding. Don't build higher barriers of misunderstanding.
Look for areas of agreement. When you have heard your opponents out, dwell first on the points on which you agree.
Be honest. Look for areas where you can admit error and say so. apologize for your mistakes. it will help disarm your opponents and reduce defensiveness.
Promise to think over your opponents ideas and study them carefully. Your opponents may be right.
Thank your opponents sincerely for their interest. Anyone who takes the time to disagree with you is interested in the same things you are. Think of them as people who really want to help you, and you may turn your opponents into friends.
Postpone any actions to give both sides a chance to think through the problem.
The only way to get the best of an argument is to avoid it.
If you want to gather honey, don't tip over the beehive!
Don't criticize, condemn or complain.
It did me good to type this, I need to think about these things too.
LYG, frankster