Posted by Charlie S (206.159.166.206) on June 10, 2001 at 05:48:52:
At the beginning of my shift I placed a stethoscope on an
> > > >elderly and slightly deaf female patient's anterior chest wall.
> > > >"Big breaths," I instructed.
> > > >
> > > >"Yes, they used to be," remorsed the patient.
> > > >
> > > >****************************************** >
> > > >One day I had to be the bearer of bad news
> > > >when I told a wife that her husband had died of
> > > >a massive myocardial infarct. Not more than
> > > >five minutes later, I heard her reporting to the
> > > >rest of the family that he had died of a "massive
> > > >internal fart,"
> > > >
> > > >*************************************
> > > >I was performing a complete physical, including
> > > >the visual acuity test. I placed the patient
> > > >twenty feet from the chart > >and began, "Cover
> > > >your right eye with your hand."
> > > >He read the 20/20 line perfectly. "Now your left."
> > > >Again, a flawless read. "Now both," I requested.
> > > >There was silence. He couldn't even read the
> > > >large E on the top line. I turned and discovered
> > > >that he had done exactly what I had asked; he
> > > >was standing there with both his eyes covered.
> > > >I was laughing too hard to finish the exam.
> > > >
> > > >****************************************
> > > >During a patient's two week follow-up appointment
> > > >with his cardiologist, he informed his doctor that he
> > > >was having trouble with >one of his medications.
> > > >"Which one?" asked the doctor. "The patch. The
> > > >nurse told me to put on a new one every six hours
> > > >and now I'm running out of places to put it!"
> > > >The doctor had him quickly undress and discovered
> > > >what he hoped he wouldn't see, Yes, the man had
> > > >over fifty patches on his body! Now the instructions
> > > >include removal of the old patch before applying a new
> > > >one.
> > > >
> > > >****************************************
> > > >While acquainting myself with a new elderly patient,
> > > >I asked, "How long have you been bedridden?" After
> > > >a look of complete confusion she answered, "Why, not
> > > >for about twenty years - when my husband was alive."
> > > >
> > > >****************************************
> > > >And of course, the best is saved for last.... I was caring
> > > >for a woman from Kentucky and asked, "So how's your
> > > >breakfast this morning?" It's very good, except for the
> > > >Kentucky Jelly. I can't seem to get used to the taste,"
> > > >the patient replied. I then asked to see the jelly and the
> > > >woman produced a foil packet labeled "KY Jelly."
> > > >
> > > >****************************************
> > > >Then there is my personal experience.....
> > > >A lady at work asked If I had ever experimented with
> > > >Viagra. "Yes," I answered. She asked, "Does it work?"
> > > >"Yes," I answered.
> > > >"Can you get it over the counter?"
> > > >she asked. I answered, "I can if I take two."
Smiles...Charlie S :^)