Posted by San Francisco (209.34.3.241) on June 14, 2001 at 18:16:29:
In Reply to: today is one of those days...... posted by dawn on June 14, 2001 at 13:02:35:
...i'm writing under an assumed name because I have a smart ass reputation to uphold...some of the guys would gimme shit if i got sensitive.
Of all the crap i went/go thru with my recent ex of a 22year marriage...i gotta say...she really knew how to support my CH...hell ...she was the one that went to the library and figgered it out....and once figgered...left me alone...except fer the very rare..."maybe if ya quit smokin" thing....I dearly appreciate her understanding of my pain and the travails it took to get to this "management point"....she gave me shit about every conceivable aspect of my personality....butt when the pain hit...she was a Florence Nightengale of the kindest kind...
Point in case: She fell out of love with loud music...would be forever tellin me to turn it down... at even 4 levels...Butt sometimes when a Cluster lingered ...when nothin else was werkin ...I would play the Grateful Dead at full volume with my head against the speakers as the drums beat my head on and off the wooden enclosures....not those plastic yet formidable Bose tiny guys...but the good ole solid wood...monsters.....She would ignore and accept it ....if i was in pain...no subtle "asshole" side glances at me er nothin.... OK so maybe i pretended the pain lasted a song or two longer than they did...but that was recovery medicine.
So where am i goin with this?
I have bad days now...a guy who loves the woods...jailed in an apartment....cement steel and glass...blinds pulled...alone during the weekdays while seperated from my son.
Fer the last week...I have been wonderin if i am gonna have a stroke or heartattack...my body is doin wierd shit...I am not comfortable in my skin.
The feelings of apprehension are everpresent...
Good days have been replaced by good moments...like this one...readin yer pain and sharin mine...
Peace is not the absence of conflict...butt the a bility to cope with it.
Just here...wishin ya fewer nightmares
DOC