Posted by Arialle (209.180.104.28) on June 21, 2001 at 15:51:55:
In Reply to: I hide my problem well posted by Arialle on May 09, 2001 at 11:19:29:
I desparately need help. I ran out of Stadol a few weeks ago. After a couple of weeks, my energy level increased. I never felt tired. I was amazed at how good I felt. I loved being off the Stadol. Then it happened...I was cleaning out the medicine cabinet and ran across an old bottle of Talwin. I looked up Talwin online and found out it was a narcotic painkiller. I immediately took them....and they did nothing. But they stirred the Stadol beast within. I called a new doc for an appt. I took my headache chart. I sit here now trying to stay awake. My heart hurts so bad. My lungs hurt. My muscles ache. I want to take another dose....but I have to wait for my heart to quit hurting. I am killing myself. I know it. Every 'hit' of stadol and I wonder if it will be the one that stops my heart. Yet I continue. The worst part??? This new doc gave me an unlimited supply for six months. I have tears running down my cheeks right now. I have a wonderful life...kids, husband, pets, houses, vacations, and I just ordered my dream car...a Dodge Viper. I need to tell my husband...but the demon inside me knows that will cut off my supply. I wish there was something that someone could say to help me. Instead, I keep this online journal going and talk to myself...notice the dates. It helps to see my desparation. Almost enought to quit. I will be back with more details.