Respite on the 4th (Bliss) (Very long... not just CH related...)

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Posted by Mike ( on July 06, 2001 at 01:27:54:

Hello (Again) everyone,

(It's probably bad etiquitte to write a post this freakin'long, but... (Shrug) Oh well. Don't read it if you don't want to. S'ok :)

Do you guys ever have your vision become whacked out, like all day, even when your not having major pain? I could not see very well and kept missing keys I was trying to hit and had to cover/close one eye to be able to read stuff. (I do need glasses somewhat but this was ridiculous) Hmmmph. Irksome. Was called everything from retarded to dyslexic to blind today. But I don't care cause I was not in great pain!

BTW, I was looking back at the old posts and I must say, I had wondered who DEN was. Just saw the picture he posted the other day. Jesus. He is quite a looker. Yes sir, quite the looker. He writes well too! Some kind of catch. :) Though I think red maybe is not his best color. Is he single? Because I guess I'm free. I mean, hey, I suppose there ARE paper bags. (Just kidding, I was just a little startled when I opened that post. Laughed out loud though :) I'm not to sure I want to see the rest of you now!)

Anyway, I know you all don't know who the hell I am and all of that (Blush). I just found and started reading/posting to this site a few days ago(?) and it is great. You guys are obviously great. I just felt like talking to someone because there is no one around here to talk to. It doesn't matter if anyone even reads the darn thing now that I think about it, just feels good to talk sometimes. So, please forgive the seemingly infinite rambling.

Lately, I have been able to talk to my X-wife (Cathy) (She has been helping me cope with the CH's long distance. Years ago, she used to always be there for me during them, bless her.) who is a really great lady (For months we have resumed corresponding again and who knows !? :) She called me and I heard her voice for the first time in probably 5 yrs yesterday! Sigh. She sounded so beautiful. It was great!). However, her computer 'crashed' and she is now incommunicado (Hmmm. Sounds a likely story now that I think about it :) Wish me luck please, because this is one very good woman (Much heart and very real) and I am trying my best to win her back. (Come on now ladies, I'm not that bad! Besides, I could have pulled off the red two piece a LOT better than DEN! :)). She (Cathy) is having very very hard times right now though (Perhaps it is not too forward to sincerely ask you guys to pray for her? She really needs it). However it works out, I love her so much and just want her to be safe and happy again.

Alright already. I suppose it only matters to me since I am the only one around but I had a grreeat 4th of July. I hope that everyone else did too. It was the most amazing thing. I have been really getting slammed by CH's for a few weeks or so. I mean it was exhausting (Usually a bunch of kip-8's through kip-10's (to adopt the kip scale) 4 or 6 times a day lasting for hours). The worst being at night as soon as I tried to sleep (Got very very little lately). As I am sure all of you know, you start getting really, really tired after a while and it can just seem like too damn much to take.

So, to the point (I know, I am a little(!?) wordy but, hey, I've always dreamed of being a novelist :) ). On the evening of the 4th, had NO major headaches. Wow! I was scared to do it but I went out and enjoyed spending time with some friends instead of staying home like usual. It was wonderful not to have a bad headache and nobody was staring at me like I was a freak and so forth (Mommy, mommy, what's wrong with HIM? Why is he holding his head like that? SHHH! Don't stare little Jimmy! :) ). Watched fireworks and everything! Even was able to spend the night (Actually SLEPT for about five or six hours straight!) at a friends house. Simple but very very wonderful stuff!

So, I was ecstatic! Today, at work, I was in such a good mood it felt great (No serious CH's!). It was like everything was brand new! (I missed two days this week because of CH's. I hate that. Worries me. Very scared about losing my job.) Anyway, it felt good to not be in major pain all day, not having to take any damn pills and not having to say stuff like 'No, really, I'm fine so let's just keep going' all day (Even though I have not been lately. Actually, don't know how I've made it). I was so happy, I was making jokes all day. After almost 24(!) hours without a major headache, I was beginning to think that maybe the CH's had gone back to whatever dark hellhole they are spawned from. What a good feeling... Hope! Joy!

I guess I am just really depressed because: 1) I cannot talk to Cathy and 2) I am already back into my friggin CH routine again (Kip-8+ or so at the moment and increasing) and can probably expect no sleep again and another long lonely pain filled night. Sigh. It just sucks. (As I am sure many of you can identify with.) I knew it was too early in the cycle for it to be over. Though one can always hope I guess. Where is that damn little violin anyway?

At any rate, (Intro's like that are the secret to acheiving high word counts according to my handy junior novelist's guide, they just keep you going and going and going)) In my line of work, land surveying, you just can't talk to your co-workers about this kind of stuff. They'd be like: 'Huh? Leave me alone you butthead!' or 'A headache? Take an Aspirin and get going!' Or, 'What the hell has that got to do with me!?' or 'Yeah? She sounds pretty cool so maybe you better give me her phone number.' or likely much much worse.

Ok, the book is almost over now, I promise :). I know, your thinking: 'How can any one guy talk so damn much?!' and 'I bet he goes through keyboards like toilet paper.' (or maybe you weren't).

I do hope that you all had a good 4th. Please, wish me luck! This is VERY important to me. Please pray for Cathy, she is a very special lady. I'd better stop writing. I just was so darn happy that I could not stand to keep it to myself. Then, I was so let down that I needed to let it out. Especially before I try to sleep tonight. Self therapy? Or just a windbag? Who knows :). So, there it is. I think I better take some meds (excuse me a minute while I set up my darn lab.)

Whew! That was a workout! (Somebody suggested strenous excersize when having a CH. Bet they didn't mean with the keyboard!) I hope that I did not bore anyone to death. Just emotionaly pent up and very very depressed. Sorry.

I think that you all are very special people who seem to have exceptionally big hearts. I so much hope that you did not mind me doing this. I just needed to express some things I reckon. Not to worry folks, it takes quite some time to build up another book like this. So, thanks for letting me use up some space. I truly apologize if it bothered anyone.

And guys, especially CH sufferes who have a spouse/supporter/friend, do something nice for your ladies. You'll never know how much you appreciate them until they are gone.

Everyone take it easy and smile because God does love you (Even if it does not seem like it sometimes). I have been involved with Native American stuff most of my life (Part Cherokee). If any of you do attend a sweat, please put up a couple of prayer ties for Cathy. (That is what I need, a good sweat lodge. Haven't been able to in years. Part of my family life growing up and I miss the connection to God.) BTW, I have heard elders say that when Tongoshula (God) gets bored, he just sits up there and laughs and laughs, watching our crazy and misguided antics below. It makes me smile to think about that. I hope I give him stitches in his side. :)

Good night

Michael Bragg

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