Ok... Getting hit so here's my las post of night... A lil' ol' Southern Hog Roast story...

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Posted by Mike B ( on July 18, 2001 at 04:37:54:

Hey Guys and Gals, (Groans. Not again!)

BTW, Guys get to go first in introductions. Gals go through the doors first :)

This story is not CH related. just thought you might get a laugh out of it. Sorry, it's long. Don't read it if you don't wan to...

Ok, what I am about to relate to you actually happend when I was a small boy living at my grandfather's in Avon Park, Fl. It will take a bit of backgropund so bear with me. (And I am tyoing as best as I can with this damn CH)

My granddad's place was a huge house where all of our family used to get thgoher on hiodays and such. Whole heaps of family. The house sat all by itself in the middle of a huge pasture in a large valley (Prob 5 by 8 miles or so) with a huge lake in it (right behind the house). There were hills surrounding the valley covered with orange groves. And this place was beautiful. Very peaceful and great to live in as a small boy. (Fishing,hunting,exploring,trouble,etc :)

Anywa, one day, we were having a hog roast (Whatever you want to call it). They goit a big ol 600 pound hog outta my grandads hoig pen and killed it. So, everyomne is standing around drinking beer (not me, I was only 8 :) and talking and just letting their hair down while some guys who worked for my grandad got he hog and put in a hiuge barrel of boiling water. In order to biol the hair off. TYhis takes a while so, everybody drinks more beer and then bottles of liquer strat coming out. Things are begginging to get a little more funfor the adults and us kids are just kinda standing around with our eyes real wide going wow! look at 'em all go. It was fun. Anyway, you've got to realize that there are lots of men with teir wives and children there.

So, anyway, there was this guy named Bobby who worked for my grandad. Bobby wqas a young guy, probably about twenty or so and I remember watching him on countless days driving the big old John Deere tractors around in the pasture. He'd bee hauling ass, going way too fast and he'd hit these bumps and the tractor would actually fly up in the air, landing on one wheel and bouncing and almost tipping over. And Bobby'd be up ontop of it just hollerin and yelling and having a good ol time. (BTW, I drove a tractor for the 1st time when I was 4, probably about the 1st time I shot a shotgun. Yeehaaw! :)

Anyway, Bobby was always getting into trouble for doing crazy stuff like driving biug pieces of expensive machinery straight into the sid eof hte barn and dumb stuff like that. My grandad, A big strong southern WWII vet, would always be yelling at him and just be generally pissed at him. Bobby used to always come by the house and tell these crazy jokes and just emberass the hell out of hte ladies around until somebody would come and run him off back to work. I guess I kinda liked ol' Bobby.

Ok, so Bobby starts helping them get the h0og out of the barrel and they tie a rope toi his fron legs and pull him up onto a tree branch where he is then hanging wiht his belly sticking out towards the crowd. They are getting ready to start cleaning the hog. So, like I said, we're all (god fearing Men, women and chiilren) standing around kind of watching and everyone;s been drinkning quite a bit. So Bobby, who's really really drunk by now, steps up to the hog and pulls his knife out. "Watch this!" he shouts and reaches up and grabs ahold of the hog's pecker. We are all kind of watching in deisbelief as he does this. I mean a southern gentleman should never go around grabbing a hog's pecker and what not in fromnt of ladies and kids.
So, with a big old idiot grin on his face, he grabs the hog's pecker and, swish, cuts it off woith his knife! He then turns around and holds the hog's pecker up in the air like some kind of grisly trophy! We just cannot believe it. Everyone is aghast at his behavior. Before anyone can chastise him thoug. The hog's bladder proceeds to empty all over his face and head! I mean, that hog got the last laugh and just pissed all over him! By now, we really cannot believe what we are seeing and then everybody starts laughing. People are actuallky falling on the ground they are laugjhin so hard. My grandad who was a very stern man with a big beer gut was helpless on the ground he was lughing so hard. Bobby, with hog piss all over his head, face, shoulder's and chest and back, looks around in disgust and kind of tosses the hog's pecker off into the sand and stalked off. Setting everoyne off laughin again..

Anyway, the stories a bit crude and it's orobably one of those things which you had to have beenn there to appreciate but hey, that's one of those growing up memories that I have. That was some instant karma. Southern Style.

Jus thought you'all might get a laugh out of it. If not, well sorry :)

Hope everyone is Ok. And I hope everyoine has a good day tomoorow. I woll be praying for you all.

Love, Michael B

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