Happy B'Day, Tim. Hope this helps with the guilt...

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Posted by Elizabeth ( on July 19, 2001 at 08:10:33:

In Reply to: Happy Freakin' Birthday to me...(a poor me rant) posted by Tim M on July 18, 2001 at 18:47:21:

I have had so many planned birthdays, not to mention other events, ranging from the trivial (cooking, talking) to the extra-special (theatre tickets, vacations) affected by my husband's headaches. We live around the CH clock, changing times, days, duration, etc., as I am sure you all know. A major component of our lives is he is asleep trying to escape the pain and I am in the living room, waiting for him to get up. Sometimes the best we can do is go to the activity but his enjoyment of it is so diminished either through pain, weariness, or meds. There are so many things we don't do or cancel because of this. His are chronic and he has NO days off, and has suffered for years. I know this is probably making you feel worse, but the point of this long post is that I am just so grateful that he gets to do anything at all. This sounds weird, I am sure, but from the point of the observer and helper and wifely-sufferer, I am happy for the things that we do get to do. I want to give him the best life I can, and if we give things up and cancel trips, dinners, etc., I know that he will still have some things. If I have to plan around this hell, so be it. It is worth it to me to see him enjoy himself when we can. I would rather change any trip and cancel any event than feel that he is missing out on some happiness. I shudder to think that he could be living alone in a darkened room (and he has spent days in there) with no-one to give him meds or bring water or reheat the packs for his head (or keep the cat from jumping on his head, since she likes to help!:>). No matter how bad it gets, I would rather be with him and the CH life than without him and live like PF people. Okay, you've probably guessed, I love him a lot. Anyway, the original point (let me veer back onto the highway here) was that the people who love and value you understand better than you think and are glad they get some measure of happiness with you there. It's not perfect, nor what they would want for you, but this is the way things are and I can't expect (but do hope for) a storybook life. Things are bad for lots of PF people, but the ones who suffer from and the ones who watch CH suffering have a different life. But it is a life with my sufferer in it, no matter how, and that is a very very valuable and precious thing. Take care, and remember people care a lot.

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