I keep praying

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Posted by Den ( on July 19, 2001 at 12:06:39:

In Reply to: Creatures of Light and Darkness posted by Dragan Horsten on July 19, 2001 at 02:53:45:

...a version of what is known as "the Jesus Prayer"...goes like this...Lord Jesus Christ only son of the living God have mercy on me a sinner.

If it was His will to take away yer Clusters...so be it...you are thankful....and rightly should be...you are not the first or I suspect the last to report here of a miraculous healing.

It is His will...not my will be done.

Being mindful of His relationship to us.... that is what is important.

No matter what happens....what get's healed or doesn't...what is given to us or stolen from us...when we are kissed or when we are beaten.... when we walk in the sunshine or in in the valley of the shadow of death...when we are lost or when we are found.

All that is just stuff that happens.

If I doubt His love...if I go into a crisis of faith when, what my will considers, bad things are happening to me or those I love...that is the darkness...the seperation...dispair...the only thing that can truely kill me.

I have moments when I cuss at Him...shake my fist...tears streaming down my face...as my son's condition worsens...saying to Him "You think this is funny? A gentle soul like Adam in such a state!" ...it passes...and like a a Loving Father responding to the child who screams "I hate you Daddy"...He pats me on the head and says "Be still and know that I am God"

Books may fail us...the church (belief system) of our choice is full of sinners (humans)...you may not get what you want.

I keep praying...relating...aware of his love for me....and try to mirror that to others.

If yer saying because He hasn't cured my clusters...allowed my son to walk and talk...haven't caught a fish all day is because I'm not holding my mouth right....then I say Fuck you...it's between me and Him....stay out of my body bag.


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