Mind if i rant, trying to ignore the pain......

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Posted by Mark ( on August 07, 2001 at 06:25:52:

At least t'nite i can stand to look at the 'puter screen. Last night was a whopper of ha. Been gettin a few 10's this week,...man am i in poor shape. Funny when i hurt that bad, this song by the Misfits "Last Caress" sticks in my head,....repeating over and over,...but this one verse really sticks in there. "Ooh lovely dead, just waiting for your breath, Cold sweet death, one last caress." I know that sounds morbid, but a full blown 10 is quite a morbid time, eh? And don't get me wrong, its not wishful thinking (in reality anyway), but I've always done this when the ha's get to a point i "just can't handle". I think my main reason is so when the ha is over, i can listen to it on my stereo, and hear it like it is suposed to be heard, cuz i don't sing that well. And when i'm hearin' it, i know i've made it this far, and i can make through next round. Of course times look pretty damn bleak in the middle of a 10, hell they look bleak in the middle of 6, but i just know the ha will end. Seconds feel like hours, hours turn to days,....and then the cycle is over. All gone,...maybe a ha residue or shadow, but thats almost a joyous feeling eh? Anything but the red hot ice pick in my eye, the vice grip on my temple and twisting knot in neck/shoulder.
When i was younger, early 20's and was broke,...i remember not having the cash flow to buy food for a few days,...and would get a "normal" ha, or at least what i thought a normal one was like. My CH is always right side, behind the eye, so pain anywhere else i thought to be a typical ha. What a joke!! its night and day, no comparing the two types of pain. Ant bite versus shark bite. At least we can take the cheesy satisfaction in knowing our pain tolerance is better than averge. I think. I hope. Good Lord, who the hell is gunna read all this crap?!?! Guess i can stop the fingers movin', even though it distracts the pain, im just puttin unnessasary use on my keyboard, lol. Plus i think when ya tell a story, you should have a point, right? And i don't see this going anywhere really. How about them Mets?.....

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