Posted by Kathy (63.28.28.232) on August 08, 2001 at 19:43:30:
(I wrote the memoir below this morning after another painful night. I just had to vent and a little creative writing is a good outlet for me. Next I think Im going to do a painting of The Beast and me.)
The Beast has been visiting me every night for almost a week now. This Beast knows me well, and has been stalking me since I was 17. Sometimes it comes in the daytime if I am napping- but primarily at night. It likes to wake me up from a deep sleep by stabbing me in the eye repeatedly. Even if I cry or beg for mercy, the Beast doesn't let up! Nomatter what I do to arm myself against the Beast- Maxalt, Ergotamine, Percoset, Immitrex... none of my weapons are a match for the Beast's strength.
The pain lets up for a moment as the Beast sharpens his eye poking weapon, playfully watching me as I sigh with relief. Then the next wave of the attack comes on, even stronger than the first. How much longer can this go on before I just die from too much pain? Why doesnt my eyeball explode? I cry and moan and roll around on the bed. I get up and pace the floor and the pain is still there. If I lay still it seems to hurt more. I try to relax and breathe deeply- the Beast doesn't like too much oxygen. But, the Beast fights back with strong forceful stabs to my eye once again- I think I have angered it. If I go to sleep, it might go away. shhhhh.... I try to creep off into sleep..
But the Beast isn't tired yet, and the waves of attack continue.
Then after a couple of hours go by, I finally drift off to sleep... The Beast takes a nap too.
Sometimes I wonder why I was chosen to be visited by the Beast. I cry during an attack: "Why me?" "What have I done to deserve this?" "With pain this excruciating, I should be dead?"
I sometimes think the Beast spares my life just so it can visit me again and again. If it killed all of its victims, then it wouldn't have any fun.