The Darwin Awards :^)

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Posted by Charlie S ( on August 09, 2001 at 04:21:51:

>The Darwin Awards, for those not familiar, are for those individuals who
>contribute to the survival of the fittest by eliminating themselves from the
>gene pool before they have a chance to breed.
>1. A young Canadian man, searching for a way of getting drunk cheaply,
>because he had no money with which to buy alcohol, mixed gasoline with milk.
>Not surprisingly, this concoction made him ill, and he vomited into the
>fireplace in his house. This resulting explosion and fire burned his house
>down, killing both him and his sister.
>2. A 34-year-old white male found dead in the basement of his home died of
>suffocation, according to police. He was approximately 6'2" tall and weighed
>225 pounds. He was wearing a pleated skirt, white bra, black and white saddle
>shoes, and a woman's wig. It appeared that he was trying to create a
>schoolgirl's uniform look. He was also wearing a military gas mask that had
>the filter canister removed and a rubber hose attached in its place. The
>other end of the hose was connected to one end of a hollow wooden tube
>approx. 12" long and 3" in diameter. The tube's other end was inserted into
>his rectum for reasons unknown, and was the cause of his suffocation. Police
>found the task of explaining the circumstances of his death to his family
>very awkward.
>3. Three Brazilian men were flying in a light aircraft at low altitude when
>another plane approached. It appears that they decided to moon the occupants
>of the other plane, but lost control of their own aircraft and crashed. They
>were all found dead in the wreckage with their pants around their ankles.
>4. A police officer in Ohio responded to a 911 call. She had no details
>before arriving, except that someone had reported that his father was not
>breathing. Upon arrival, the officer found the man face down on the couch,
>naked. When she rolled him over to check for a pulse and to start CPR, she
>noticed burn marks around his genitals. After the ambulance arrived and
>removed the man - who was declared dead on arrival at the hospital-the police
>made a closer inspection of the couch, and noticed that the man had made a
>hole between the cushions. Upon flipping the couch over, they discovered
>what caused his death. Apparently the man had a habit of putting his penis
>between the cushions, down into the hole and between two electrical sanders
>(with the sandpaper removed, for obvious reasons). According to the story,
>after his orgasm the discharge shorted out one of the sanders, electrocuting
>5. A 27-year-old French woman lost control of her car on a highway near
>Marseilles and crashed into a tree, seriously injuring her passenger and
>killing herself. As a commonplace road accident, this would not have
>qualified for a Darwin nomination, were it not for the fact that the driver's
>attention had been distracted by her Tamagotchi key ring, which had started
>urgently beeping for food as she drove along. In an attempt to press the
>correct buttons to save the Tamagotchi's life, the woman lost her own.
>6. A 22-year-old Reston, VA man was found dead after he tried to use octopus
>straps to bungee jump off a 70-foot railroad trestle. Fairfax County police
>said a fast-food worker taped a bunch of these straps together, wrapped an
>end around one foot, anchored the other end to the trestle at Lake Accotink
>Park, jumped and hit the pavement. Warren Carmichael, a police spokesman,
>said investigators think he was alone because his car was found nearby. "The
>length of the cord that he had assembled was greater than the distance
>between the trestle and the ground", Carmichael said. Police say the
>apparent cause of death was "Major trauma".
>7. A man in Alabama died from rattlesnake bites. It seems that he and a
>friend were playing a game of catch, using the rattlesnake as a ball. The
>friend - no doubt, a future Darwin Awards candidate, was hospitalized.
>8. Employees in a medium sized warehouse in west Texas noticed the smell
>of a gas leak. Sensibly, management evacuated the building, extinguishing all
>potential sources of ignition lights, power, etc. After the building had been
>evacuated, two technicians from the gas company were dispatched. Upon
>entering the building, they found they had difficulty navigating in the dark.
>To their frustration, none of the lights worked (you can see what's coming,
>can't you?). Witnesses later described the sight of one of the technicians
>reaching into his pocket and retrieving an object, that resembled a cigarette
>lighter. Upon operation of the lighter like object, the gas in the warehouse
>exploded, sending pieces of it up to three miles away. Nothing was found of
>the technicians, but the lighter was virtually untouched by the explosion.
>The technician suspected of causing the blast had never been thought of as
>"bright" by his peers.

Smiles, Charlie S :^)

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