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Posted by Mike B ( on August 29, 2001 at 16:48:33:

Whew! Sorry I have not been around lately. I wish I could help you guys. And I have not abandoned anyone.

Have been struggling to stay alive and all of that kind of insipid stuff. A battle royal lately.

Boy, I seem to have missed a whole lot of stuff happening. Sigh. It is too bad that we cannot all be happy and pain free. Or maybe even just a little bit happy and a little bit pain free. (Shaking head).

I have been unable to get online much of the time and I am also trying to get going on a web development business. Also trying to keep working and not get fired. Dificult when your trying not to let people see CH activity. My stupid boss has been riding my arse because I was 1 minute late a few times this month. I could just kick his ass. Whats' 1 goddamn minute when you've been up all damn night wanting to kill yorself? At least I come to work...

How can these damn CH's hang on like this!? I NEVER had a cycle that lasted ths long. My CH's have definetly gotten better than they were. But they are still there and some days and nights are still pretty bad. Just whenb I thought they were going away. Wrong.

Hell, I am just so totally worn out and tired. I know that many of you are probably hurting worse than I am in the CH department. Myine have backed off in frequency and mostly in severity. Have had to leave work only a coupel of times lately. However, I have other serious chronic pains which are ALWAYS there and driving me out of my skull. It is all seems to be way too much sometimes.

Brad... I totally understand what you were saying in your 'bad thoughts' post. I too have found myself thinking suvch things. It is hard to keep wanting to get up and strive to stay alive when life weems to suck so bad. As I have said here before though. Things will eventually get better. Or something good will come saliong and make one smile. Not to get something going but I cannot tell you guys how many times I have finally fell into an uneasy slumber just oraying that I woiuld not wake. Or that a damn car or truck would take me out while I am working in the middle of the highway or whatever...

However, I don't have any kids and some day I would like to be a father. Almost once. But... well never mind.
There are people in my life who would be hurt if I croaked so, what the hell, in for a penny in for a pound. I ain't goping to give up myself, despite myself.

I don;t know. Just wish everyone could get some happy time and feel good for a bit at least. And could get along.

Seem to be in a weird state of confusion lately and cannot think straight or find myself acting in ways I do not recognize.

Got to go cause guy is here with the new frig. and have to move computer and everything... But, cold storage will be good again. LOL

You are all in my prayers and I am thinking good thoughts to you guys.

Love, Michael B

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