Reflecting on the last couple of weeks

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Posted by Carl D ( on September 23, 2001 at 10:16:01:

I guess I should count myself as blessed, as right now I am not on any meds, and I had 3 kick-ass days in a row. Only 1 attack per day, with minimal shadowing. That is, until today.
I got about an hours sleep this morning, and my head is now playing hell with me once more. Woooooooo Hoooooo (and no, I was doing that long before Leesa, due to a resident idiot who doesn't visit us anymore).
What am I ever gonna do with this head of mine? Drill holes in it? God - that is so tempting. Maybe I can install the worlds first-ever pressure release valve in my temple. Okay, if only that were possible.

Like many of you here on the board, I have had a zillion different emotions run wild in the last 2 weeks. At first, when the attacks happened and I saw the news early morning September 11th, the first thing I thought was "This is a dream, this can't be real." Then I was just kind of numb (due to years of de-sensitization), and then I felt a very intense sorrow. As I read a bit about some of the victims, and some of the bravery that was displayed at the hieght of it all, all I could feel was devastation. After seeing the America Telethon friday night, I was just blown away at how strong this country really is.
All of that has changed now. I recorded the DATELINE special Friday night as well, and after seeing it, all I can feel is an immense hatred and anger against those who have wounded so many hearts.
The thing that disheartens me is, now we are seeing innocent Americans perseceuted for thier Muslim faith, or thier families descent. I saw how an Indian-owned store was burned to the ground, and how yet another Israeli man was murdered by a madman who felt he was doing the U.S.'a service'. It seems that the horror the terrorists brought to our land on September 11th has spread to some of our own, and that saddens me all over.

Most anyone who knows me will tell you I am an emotional man anyway, but as of late, I have also been torn. I have suffered alot of personal loss this year alone, and can relate to how many Americans are feeling right now. That was one thing that influenced me to write "Daddys Tears" the other sleepless night. After reading it back, and then sending it to friends, I had no idea what to call it; prose, lyric, poetry, or what. I had just been thinking about how it has affected the children, especially those who lost parents in the tragedy. That was the perspective I came from when I wrote it (and even had to beat my roommate up for a couple of lines as well, who is also my guitarist in my acoustic-duo TWIN RIVERS). Then yesterday, someone printed it out, handed it to me, and said one horrifying word: "SING!" I just stared at the page drooling like, "What? How the fuck can I even attempt to sing this as a song?" I was just like, "Um, I can't do that." I have NEVER turned down a musical challenge. In fact, I delight and relish a good artistic challenge. So now, I am attempting to re-write "Daddys Tears" as a song. All I can say is - God help me!

I just figured I would share where my head has been as of late, as opposed to it being up my ass like it usualy is. I hope everyone is doing well, and coping with things as best as possible.

Carl Daniels

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