Giving credence

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Posted by Ted on October 29, 2001 at 03:05:54:

Pinky posted my journal once before and not to long ago. I'm chronic and way intractable. I asked Pinky to post for me because this war on drugs means that because I found something to give me my life back again I can lose my life for good. This is bullshit. My choice is being someone who can't come to you and tell you personally how I've gotten relief from 5-10 hits per day down to 2 hits per day or 0 hits per day for two days. It means I don't get to testify to what Flash brought to us but I have to do it behind closed doors. I won't do that anymore because it's bullshit. Pinky, can you follow me up with a copy of the post you most kindly did for me? Listen. I had no life. I had no job. I went a year living off what I had saved (I'm no spendthrift and just as my money was running out after 6 months I discovered I had $5,000 from my grandmothers will that I never recieved). I went a year living off what I had to live off of. I went 2 years trying to find some shrooms, as my sources had all dried up when I went chronic and lost touch of all my friends. Anyway, so here I am intractably chronic where I can't hold a job because I even gave up on me (I'm the type that figures I owe nothing to an employer because they will shitcan me in a heartbeat and feel they owe nothing to me) but have too much pride to take from the gov't. What am I going to do? A friend found a hero on this board who sent me enough to take care of me. I've had to dose and redose a few ties, but its been 1 1/2 months to this point where I took anything. And at the most lately, all I get is 2 attacks per day during sleep. Nothing during the day, generally, although it does happen sometimes. Again, this is coming from 5-10 per day where I couldn't even hold a job before. I'm now employed and about to start my own business. For those who worry about the high? I almost always get myself into a bad trip. This is true from the days I used to follow the Dead and do it with N2O and just try and enjoy the party (I always could with N2O). So, let me tell you. I still don't enjoy the shrooming part but I've learned I can take enough to not even slightly trip for this to work. Let me tell you again, I DO NOT ENJOY THE HIGH, maybe because it reminds me too much of what I didn't like of the trip. Some sort of association. But, on the other hand, saying "I do not enjoy clusters" is such an understatement. There is no comparisson between what I like less. Cancer patients have to undergo chemo to rid themselves of thier cancer. They have to go through weekly regiments. Me? I have to go through monthly or less treatments to not go through my incredible pain. I'll take that any day of the week. One last thing? I know how I end up on a bad trip usually. My biggest fear is that I'll hit a 10 while shrooming. I have. As a matter of fact, odds are pretty good I'll hit a 10 while shrooming. You want to know what happens? It's like hitting a 10 on anything else. Any buzz there is gone and you are in your 10. Everything else vanishes. During that point it's like you never took anything and the buzz is gone. So, there is nothing to worry about.

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