Posted by MikeB on November 01, 2001 at 20:24:57:
I have been sitting here and just thinking. About my life. I stare at my hands and the questions hit me. Why do we have to have these damn HA's? Why can't we just have a 'normal life'? Why do past efforts mean nothing? Why does love have a price tag? Is she happy now? Why do I care? Ahh. I hate these F'n headaches. No matter. History. Cycles...
I look around. I am reduced to renting a very small room. Some clothes and blankets. A couple of books. All my hard work seems down the drain. Cannot find work around here. Not many jobs in my profession nowadays. I am wondering if my x-boss is telling potential employers that I have CH's? Who knows. He never did get over me taking that week off.
So, I look around at the four walls and think to myself. So, this is it. After all the years I have busted my butt. Where is the happy family? The kids and the house. The dreams of yesterday. Sigh.
Sorry, just on a very major depression session I reckon. Seems so pointless. But, I have lived my life true to my heart, right or wrong. It is good. Perhaps my good times will still come. Perhaps I will realize my dreams. Perhaps not. LOL
Either way, I'd give anything to not be alone this year for christmas. Too many holidays spent alone.
Apologies, but I just felt like talking. Even to myself sometimes. So, now that I have ranted and poor me'd for a bit. I am gonna go back to something important, like counting my toes or something. Hell, I may go out and tie one on. A little firewater for the indian blood in my viens. Even if it does give me a killer CH. F' it. Whoa. Then again, maybe not. LOL
You guys and gals be safe and pain free out there tonight.
Love, MikeB