Couldn't make it....(take 2)

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Posted by E - In Absentia on November 07, 2001 at 20:32:36: the board, so I asked a kindly old b*st*rd to post this for me. (Note: "E" has been getting hit pretty hard of late. We all wish her well - Ed.)

Top 23 things to do at a bowling alley:

1. Every time you throw, exclain, "TAKE THAT, YOU!!" Continue this behavior until forcefully thrown out.

2. Whenever a strike "X" appears on the screen, start yelling about how this is a Black Panther conspiracy.

3. Explain to the owner how your game has been ruined due to plate tectonics, then demand compensation.

4. Wear golf shoes.

5. Pray to the pins. Leave a sacrifice.

6. Make lewd and graphic references to you "ball." (Works well on Seniors Ladies night.)

7. Play bocce with extra lane balls.

8. Try to juggle the balls. When you drop them, start screaming about plate tectonics again.

9. Completely cover your ball in duct tape (sticky side out) then loudly bitch about how your hook is off.

10. Hide behind the pins. Stick your head up, laughing hysterically.

11. Throw refuse down the ball return, then tell the owner the trash compactor is busted.

12. Root for the other team. Bring banners.

13. Bring a foghorn to use at crucial moments.

14. Even if you miss totally - at the top of your lungs scream STEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEERIKE!

15. Bring a small gold idol, and demand the other team pray to it.

16. Rent all the lanes, but don't bowl.

17. Blatantly underscore yourself, then accuse the other team of cheating.

18. When an opponent is on his backswing, race up and take his ball, then run home.

19. If your team is in the finals, throw nothing but gutterballs, blame plate tectonics.

20. Wear a baseball uniform, and bowl sidearm.

21. Walk around asking people why they are here. Do this the whole night.

22. Name your ball something like "Killer." Openly boast to everyone how great you are. Bowl terribly. Do this all night.

23. Run around sprinkling "magic fairy dust" on everyone's balls. Tar works nicely.

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