Ain't politcally correct....:^)

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Posted by Charlie ( on December 15, 2001 at 15:36:03:

To: All Concerned

From: Santa Claus

Subject: New Santa

I regret to inform you that, effective immediately, I will no

longer serve the States of Georgia, Florida, Virginia and North and

South Carolina,Tennessee, Texas, and Arkansas on Christmas Eve.

Due to the overwhelming current population of the earth, my contract was

renegotiated by North American Fairies and Elves Local 209 .

As part of the new and better contract I also get longer breaks

for milk and cookies so keep that in mind.

However, I'm certain that your children will be in good hands with

your local replacement who happens to be my third cousin, Bubba Claus.

His side of the family is from the South Pole. He shares my goal of

delivering toys to all the good boys and girls; however, there are a few

differences between us.

Differences such as:

1. There is no danger of the Grinch stealing your presents from

Bubba Claus.

He has a gun rack on his sleigh and a bumper sticker that reads:

"These toys insured by Smith and Wesson."

2. Instead of milk and cookies, Bubba Claus prefers that children

leave an RC cola and pork rinds [or a moon pie] on the fireplace.

And Bubba doesn't smoke a pipe.

He dips a little snuff though, so please have an

empty spit can handy.

3. Bubba Claus' sleigh is pulled by floppy-eared, flyin' coon dogs

instead of reindeer. I made the mistake of loaning him a couple of my

reindeer one time, and Blitzen's head now overlooks Bubba's fireplace.

4. You won't hear "On Comet, on Cupid, on Donner and Blitzen .."

when Bubba Claus arrives. Instead, you'll hear, "On Earnhardt,

on Andretti,on Elliott and Petty."

5. "Ho, Ho, Ho!" has been replaced by "Yee Haw!" And you also are

likely to hear Bubba's elves respond, "I her'd dat!"

6. As required by Southern highway laws, Bubba Claus' sleigh does

have aYosemite Sam safety triangle on the back with the words

"Back Off."

7. The usual Christmas movie classics such as "Miracle on 34th

Street"and "It's a Wonderful Life" will not be shown in your negotiated

viewing area.

Instead, you'll see "Boss Hogg Saves Christmas" and "Smokey and

the Bandit

IV" featuring Burt Reynolds as Bubba Claus and dozens of state

patrol cars crashing into each other.

And Finally,

8. Bubba Claus doesn't wear a belt. If I were you, I'd make sure

you,the wife, and the kids turn the other way when he bends

over to put presents under the tree.

Sincerely Yours, Santa Claus

Member of North American Fairies and Elves

Union 122

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