Posted by Elizabeth (184.108.40.206) on January 03, 2002 at 23:02:21:
On their first date, Joe took Rose to the carnival. When he asked her what she wanted to do first, Rose replied, "Get weighed."
So Joe took her to the man with the scale who guesses your weight. He looked at Rose and said, "One hundred and twenty pounds." Since Rose weighed in at one seventeen, she collected a prize.
Next they went to the roller coaster. When the ride was finished, Joe asked Rose what she wanted to do next. "Get weighed," she said. So they went back to the man with the scale, who of course guessed Rose's weight correctly. Leaving without a prize, they went for a ride on the merry-go-round. After they got off, Joe asked Rose what she wanted to do next. "I WANT TO GET WEIGHED!" she said again.
Now Joe began to think this girl was quite strange, and decided to end the evening quickly. He left her at the door with a quick handshake.
Rose's roommate was waiting up for her return and asked how the evening went.
"Wousy!" Rose replied.
On the first day of their honeymoon, the very naive virgin bride slipped into a sexy but sweet nightie and, with great anticipation, crawled into bed, only to find that her new Christian husband had settled down on the couch.
When she asked him why he was apparently not going to make love to her, he replied, "Because it's Lent."
Almost in tears, she remarked, "That's terrible! Who on earth did you lend it to?"
A woman says to a man, "I haven't seen you around here."
"Yes, I just got out of jail for killing my wife."
A man decides to give himself a facelift as a birthday present. He's thrilled with the results and on his way home, he stops for a newspaper. "How old do you think I am?" he asks the sales clerk.
"About 35," is the reply.
"Actually, I'm 47," the man says, feeling really happy.
He goes to McDonalds for lunch and asks the order-taker, "How old do you think I am?"
"I'm 47!" the man answers feeling on top of th eworld.
While standing, waiting for the bus, he asks an old woman the same question.
She says, "I'm 85 years old, and I can't see all that well, but if you let me put my hand down your pants for about 10 minutes I'll tell you exactly how old you are."
As there is no one around, the man agrees.
Ten minutes later, the old lady says, "You're 47!"
"That was brilliant!" the man says. "How did you do it?"
"Easy," the old woman says. "I was in line behind you at McDonalds."
And last but not least:
A retired gentleman went to the Social Security office to apply. After waiting in line a long time he got to the counter.
The woman behind the counter asked him for his driver's license to verify his age.
He looked through his pockets and told the woman that he was very sorry but he seemed to have left his wallet at home. "I will have to come back later."
The woman said, "Unbutton your shirt."
So he opened his shirt, revealing lots of curly silver hair. She said, "That silver hair on your chest is proof enough for me." She processed his social security application.
When he got home, the man excitedly told his wife about his experience.
She said, "You should have dropped your pants...you might have gotten disability too!"
hugs, and pfdan to all....
(it's the real me.... no email addy intentionally)
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