Sure has been crappy.... Don't know how much longer....

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Posted by Medlengough ( on January 08, 2002 at 20:12:49:

Sure thought I was strong emotionally, spiritually... at least I used to be. Didn't want to "whine" on the Board about the latest December problems, but maybe there's a reason. I thought that this latest cycle of CH, the worst in my life, was to teach me something. Then all this other.
My Grandmother's house burnt to the ground with someone trapped in it. I guess I didn't want to mention it on the Message Board because maybe I thought that to aknowledge it would make it more real. I thought about it for days. I have been told that that she died of smoke inhalation and didn't suffer any more than that.
I didn't answer the poll question last month either because, once again, somehow I was thinking to aknowledge things would mean I could never forget them again. Maybe I need to aknowlege that I'm not the invincable being I had believed I was.
There were several suicides in my family. I talked today about the difference between the men and women in my family who resulted to this, to my CH supporter. Don't want to offend or scare off any "newbies".
Bottom line is, yeah, I am really depressed now. But somehow "their" spirit, especially that of my Great Grandmother who had no meds or support or OUCH, keeps making me feel I should try 'one more day'.
Sorry to be such a downer, but maybe one of these days I can uplift someone else. I sure hope so.

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