what a night!!!!!!!

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Posted by rivka ( on January 22, 2002 at 05:28:36:

i went to sleep at around 2 a.m. scar to death of what the beast will do to me during my sleep.
well it was 6 a.m. that i could finely open my eyes and tell who i'm after it hit me when i was sleep. it was realy bad!! as no drugs help me so i walked around holding my head, blocked my ears, eyes close, to isolate me from the world. when i had no more energy to walk i stood there by an open window to get some cold air, coking myself back and forth, trying to empty my head from thoughts and hope it will go away, leave me alone. as i said befor, at 6 a.m. i felt like cold vacum on my right side and i knew i'ts going to be over so went exhosted to bed and felt asleep.
i read about many of us looking for support from their love once. well, it's totaly different for me. after two times that my man woke up from my moaings and try to hold me and i said to him, just leave me alone, i'm sorry but i cant take any tuch from any one, so just go back to bed and sleep because you cant help me and have you beside me only make it worse. i need to be complitly alone when it hits me.
could be i'm different than others?
the attacs come evry single night. no breaks! for years and years. no cycles.
when it finish "eating" my brain i always think, well may be one day there wont be any more what to eat there so it wont come looking for "food", but then i come to sense and i know i'm only dreaming of the imposible (unfortunaly). well, i still hope for better nights.

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