OK, Bob

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Posted by Margi ( on January 22, 2002 at 10:23:03:

In Reply to: Holy fucking shit posted by Bob baker on January 22, 2002 at 00:15:50:

first rule of being a cluster supporter? Stay CALM. Trust me, I know how hard that is. But put yourself in your dad's shoes for a moment, ok? Think how he might feel if he is getting hit with another headche REAL hard, and then he sees you getting upset, worrying about him. He's going to feel real bad and guilty that he is upsetting you.
Talk to your dad when he is not having an attack and ask him if you can help him or if he just needs to get through it alone. Ask him if he would like you to bring him some ice, or find his imitrex, or whatever. DON'T, whatever you do, ask him while he is in pain. As a parent, myself, seeing my child upset upsets me. I'm sure your dad is the same way. It's a parent thing, ok?
Your dad probably does need to do battle alone and be able to focus on controlling his pain. Is there something else you can be doing when he's getting hit, Bob? Can you put on your headphones so you can't hear him moaning? There really IS nothing you can do to stop the pain, honey. You just have to get through the attack, just like your dad does. It does stop. It won't kill him. It's horrendous to listen to, I know and it hurts you real bad too. But everyone does survive cluster attacks. Yes, it makes you mad that he's hurting, but you really have to work to control your own anger and pain, so it makes it a little easier on your dad, ok?
Do you know how long his attacks last on average? Sometimes I watch the clock in order to tell myself how much longer my husband has to get through - sometimes, I tell him that he's only got, say, 20 more minutes and it will be gone.
Please, Bob - feel free to email me directly if you need to vent, yell, scream, rant, rave - whatEVER - I've walked in your shoes, my friend. I know how hard it is to listen to someone you love go through this.

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