I want to go home!

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Posted by Elaine ( on January 27, 2002 at 00:26:30:

I am tired guys!

I spent the last three years telling myself I was going to be all right that life would soon be great again. I tried not to give up hope. You all gave me hope and a special friend gave me more than hope. I want you all to know I am so grateful for all you have done for me.
I messed up my life lost my husband and my kids. My family just fell apart. Illness pushed us from each other . Cancer was no one fault. But losing my family was my fault. I just gave up on trying to keep them.
I have lost someone else along the way someone who was always there for me. My faults because I am so damn stupid. My dad always said I could screw up a wet dream LOL!
I managed to screw up not only my life but the life’s of people I loved the most.
All you people who tell me in chat I am a hero and that I am so wonderful, you’re so wrong. I am more than likely the biggest fuck up any of you know.
My body won’t let me do what I want to do, and my mind just wants to love and be loved. I am so tired of all the crap in life. I believe in God and I can’t stop my own pain because of my believes, but I don’t know if I can get up any more. I will be in this world till God tells me its time to go. I am so tired. I don’t know whats going to happen to HSG , I more than likely will lose it and I want you all to know I am sorry but nothing I can do about it. I love you all and hate this.
I hate being so tired I can’t think any more.
All I can say to any of you is I am so sorry!
I do love each of you for every kind thing you did for me. I have never forgotten a single thing.
I love ya that will never change. Drummer, DJ, Paco, Todd, Margi, Mike, Jack, Bob K, Icbob, Barbara D, Kathy and Den you were the first I met here and George and so many more of the old-timers ! You guys all made my days and nights so wonderful when I needed you the most. Barbara G, and Bama, and Mel and Ree and Patty and Michael and Don and Ueli judy and all the people I met along the way I love you all.
Jackie oh Jackie you are such a sweet heart always had that encouraging word for me what would I do without ya. You and Brabara G and Judy need to get together!
Todd well I wouldn’t be here today had you not talked me into the surgery , so many wonderful times I have spent with you. LOL you had to put up with the most BS from me ;-)! Thank You Todd
I am ok guys but I am tired and I know tomorrow will come but I am not sure I will get up, I am just ready to go, I am just waiting now. I want to go home, I want to go home guys!

I leave you with this as my friend Jackie always said

I love you my friends!

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