I have also achieved a level of acceptance

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Posted by sailpappy ( on February 01, 2002 at 13:06:31:

In Reply to: escape vs. accept posted by John D on February 01, 2002 at 11:35:49:

for 13 years I was almost completely Drug Free, My CH's never hover, or shadow and loom in the begining stages. Without exxception my attacks are either aborted by time they reach the KIP7-8 range or go what I call full blown to a 9+. My varying factor is how fast I can get to the cold water, If I can get there within the first moment or two at the onset,then and only the can I focus my mind and wait to get through it, I think of anything I can that takes my thoughts away from the pain and the usual outcome was 25 to 45 minutes before Goose Bumps and the attack would abate.
If I was caught away from a cold water source I always carry Ice bags,but for some reason the never sem to work as affectivly as the cold water.
If I let the attack get to the Kip5 range before I can take evasive action they always go full blown and end with about an hour and a half of time and an upheaval of both pain and stomach contents. at around the KIP8 lever I start experiencing the white lightning affect with jolts of strong electrical feeling shooting pain that shakes me to the core, I actually see white flashes in my mind and sometimes it feels as if my heart will surely stop beating and I will drop dead right there, hasn't happend yet,even though I have pleaded with the Lord to take me home many a time!
Actually what you are talking about is Bio Feedback,Transindental Meditation, self hypnosis, Yoga or focused thought control. It does and can help but it takes an inner strength to withstand the pain beyond the point of self pity and wanting to scream out "Why Me Lord-What did I ever do to deserve this!" "Oh My God,Oh My God Oh My god, I can't stand it I'm losing my mind" Please take me ! someone kill me now PLEASE!!
But just a surely as the attack started,If you can wait it out ,it will end and everything returns to Our Normal just as fast as it warpped out of control.
After 13 years of fighting from 3 to 15 attacks daily I went back to the Neuro and after trial and error with a few newer medications that I had not tried he put me on Oxy-Contin, Guilt has eaten my self dignity away to where I'm ready to face the pain again, but for 5 months I have had only a few shadows and in some way I feel like a fool for not taking this before out of fear of addiction
Instead I put myself and everyone that touched my life through shear hell, so now I'm coming off the Medication (Down to 20mg every 12 hrs from 80 mg.s) and it has been like a rollercoaster of emotions, where the right choice lies is within your own ability to cope with either the pain of clusters or the inigma of addiction? I don't kow where I will end up but I am thankful for all the wonderful friends I have made here, the support given and the chance to voice a silent opinion that drifted alone for 29 to 30 years until I foud this Family-Love You All!
One last thing, Our Imposter sounds like a teenager with a great deal of computer skills and resources,does Dr. ali have a son? who ever you are, you have caused so much pain that I eqate you to a cyber terrorist,think about helping us instead of playing childish pranks,your talent could do miracles for our cause and not only ours but any legit cause, you are very talented,but I can tell by the way you post that you are young and your elusive ability will be the very undoing of you game! Please Stop the uncalled for attacks and try to help someone, you will find an unbelievable High from acheiving merit from helping someone if you would only give that a try instead of playing these self distructive games with peoples lives! Please! Pappy

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