Posted by Dennis O'C (209.34.2.142) on January 31, 2000 at 15:30:32:
In Reply to: bad day today posted by DON MCLAUGHLIN on January 31, 2000 at 00:28:32:
DON
You are most definitely not alone. I have just come out of remission. A couple of "entry" HAs made me feel kinda cocky. I got the meds down...got the O2 mask on and waltzed through some level 2 events. ...But then ...the true CH demon came a knockin...it's wierd how 4-5 months peace can make me forget the depth...the extremity...the terror...the blinding all encompasing PAIN that is a cluster....
...all of the hints and tricks and good advice I compiled from this site just were not relative...it was only pure Pain...on the floor...crying...nose running...body writhing...pure PAIN....I tore the O2 mask from my face...to keep from dragged the f..g tank with me as I scrambled to my feet ...and fell again. THERE IS NO PAIN LIKE THE CH PAIN...
The recent posts theorizing that something within me is premeditating... (so that I can experience the euphoria of pain abatement)...or the ones that say "just trancend your pain with thought and spirituality"...flashed thru my mind...as well as the other posts to this board that trivialize our PAIN...I would have easily...in good conscience... bit their tongues out...shot them once in the balls...given them a few moments to realize what life was going to be like without their balls....shot them once more in the gut ...and walked away.
But I digress...obviously you are not "dancing"(in the accelerated pain) right now...you wouldn't...couldn't... be working your computer if you were. Now is the time to find some of the "things" that others have found to minimalize THE PAIN. Not everything works for everyone!!!!...that's probably the worst part of clusters. The not knowing!!! What causes them???Why me??? What triggers them??? What stops them??What reduces them??? Why shouldn't I kill myself???What the fuck are these things in my face??? I have vowed to try some of the stuff that I have found here at this site. It's the last house on the block to knock on.
Since you are new here ...I strongly advise you to check out all the sidebar links that DJ (he runs the show) has provided for us. Realize that this message board is open to the public....anyone can post here...We are never in short supply of fakes and flakes. But know also that you have found THE PREMIER site for a clusterhead.Seperate the wheat from the chaff.
When you make it through to the other side of THE PAIN....just as we have.....we will be here...tomorrow someone just like you will find us....be there for them...join us. We are not alone.
Walk in the sunshine
DEN