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Topic: Three years ago (Read 269 times) |
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RandyH
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Three years ago
« on: Sep 7th, 2004, 2:40pm » |
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Been 3 years since I last posted. My wife is 50 now. Having a 3rd cycle of CHs since I have known her, several before then.
Want to know the best things I can do for her to let her know I really care. She thinks I am lousy at supporting her. Just can't figure out what I can possibly do for someone going through what she is. CH are different this time (maybe perimenopause affecting things?). Can happen throughout the day, not once a day at 2AM like before. Says she feels like "her spine is being pushed up into her brain" and "terrible burning" on her scalp. Skin on her head hurts too much to touch. More severe pain in temple this time. Stabbing pain in left eye is different, too. Still getting tearing of left eye and stuffiness in left nostril before attacks. Just got O2 today, has been 8 days since cycle began, she was hoping it would be a mild one as it started out as 3s and 4s, not 8s and 9s like in the past, but it hit 7/8 last night.
Anyway, I need to know how to lend her emotional support....should I be staying up at night when she is up so she won't feel so alone in this? Or is that just too simplistic?
Thanks
Randy
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BonnieW
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Re: Three years ago
« Reply #1 on: Sep 7th, 2004, 2:56pm » |
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Randy - I think you should talk to your wife when she is not having a CH and ask her what you can do to better support her. Some people like to be left alone and others like to have someone there all the time. The fact that you are looking for answers to better support your wife says a lot - just talk to her and keep being there. Best of luck and please keep in touch...
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Jackie
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Re: Three years ago
« Reply #2 on: Sep 7th, 2004, 6:16pm » |
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Hi Randy,
Bonnie has given you great advice.
Your wife may want to be alone during the actual attack but your presence afterward may be a great comfort to her. She'll be able to give you the answers.
Some CHers suffer depression and guilt. Help hold her up the best you can. As much as you'd like to you can't take away her pain but emotional support is extremely important.
Good luck and keep us posted....
Jacks 
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E-Double
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Re: Three years ago
« Reply #3 on: Sep 7th, 2004, 6:54pm » |
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Hey Randy,
I completely understand what your wife may be going through (I'm the "sufferer" I hate that term)
My cycle took such a drastic change this time around. They used to only come @ night and this cycle they began coming all day and night.
Anyway....
You are a good man and follow the above given advice.
My supporter and I had such a difficult time in the beginning because they were so different.
I was riddled with anxiety and was a shadow of myself (no pun intended  ) I was so guilty over being this way and for having her go through it with me.
My supporter found this site for me and she is on it as well from time to time. So right there you are magnificant!!
Talking to her when she is realtively comfortable would be the best time and letting her know how you feel as well. Sometimes a mutual cry can lead to even more communication.
If she tells you what she needs then do it. If being alone is what she needs then let her be alone but give her that hug when she is ready. If holding her hand during an episode is needed...do it.
You'll learn how and what to do for her.
Supporters like you are ANGELS!! Just reaching out for advice is tremendous.
You also need to take care of yourself. You too are suffering in your own hellish way. A different kind of pain. That helpless feeling of not being able to help a loved one.
I am forever greatful for my fiance and thank her everyday.
If your wife is on this site have her contact me I'd be glad to talk with her and if she isn't try to coax her on
Huge hug to you my friend and best wishes to you and all supporters!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Thank you,
Eric
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I can't believe that I have to bang my
Head against this wall again
But the blows they have just a little more
Space in-between them
Gonna take a breath and try again.
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