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   Author  Topic: What can I say or do?  (Read 473 times)
kayarr
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What can I say or do?
« on: Feb 11th, 2007, 8:49pm »
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It has been 2 1/2 years since Jeff's last job.  He is feeling guilty about being home while I work.  He is going in to get his calcium channel blocker teeth fixed so he can smile again then he says he is getting another management job.  
His headaches since he has been off have seemed more tolerable but he has been able to fit his schedule to his headache schedule.
I Love him with all my heart! His being home has been invaluable to our combined families.  He talked my eldest daughter home from Florida after an abusive relationship problem. (that is a lot of hours on the phone)  He helped his youngest find a great car since hers was bad and she is a single Mother with two of the grandkids.  He has cleaned up my parents motorhome so they could sell it.  He makes sure I rest enough to continue working long hours.  There are so many things that he does and I wish he could see the enormous value in his place right now.  
How can I help?
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Re: What can I say or do?
« Reply #1 on: Feb 11th, 2007, 8:58pm »
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Dear Kayar,
 
Daniel lost his job when his cycle started nearly 7 months ago and has not been able to work since.
 
However, like Jeff, it has been absolutely wonderful to have him at home. He has helped me so much just being there. He did most of the house moving by himself, he was there for the kids all the time, spent time doing different projects with them ... Yet he feels miserable and frustrated and somewhat ashamed that he had not been able to contribute financially to the family.
 
I believe the best way is to tell them exactly how we feel in our heart. I wouldnt have changed anything. Right now I am looking at developing my online business so that Daniel can take over and run it. That way he will have his own business and income yet he wont have to worry about job interviews and the stress of trying to fit it in around his health. I just dont want him to be stressed out.
 
Sit down with Jeff one day and tell him how much you love him and appreciate him. Its about him as a person not as a worker or income earner. Tell him how much he has helped you around the house and with other things and how much he means to you by just physically being there.  
 
True words from a heart will touch another !
 
Hugs
 
Annette
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kayarr
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Re: What can I say or do?
« Reply #2 on: Feb 11th, 2007, 9:08pm »
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Thank you Annette!  
 
It's all very difficult.  I hope he remembers the is no "I" in Team.
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Re: What can I say or do?
« Reply #3 on: Apr 21st, 2007, 12:50am »
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Hi Kayar,
 
I think Annette hit it pretty well, but I can tell you as a man that one of the most frustrating things to the male psychi is the inability to provide for his family.  I believe God instilled in the male the hunter/gatherer instinct to get out of the cave and kill something and drag it home to eat.  That doesn't mean that he isn't supposed to help around the house though! Grin
 
I have been out of work a couple of times due to accidents, once for 18 months, and once for 9 months.  I can tell you they were some of the most miserable times of my life.  It didn't mean I didn't enjoy being with my wife and kids, but I had a drive to be productive, and was unable to fulfill that drive.
 
Keep being supportive and appreciative of what he is able to do, as you have expressed here.  You can also try to help him find something that he can accomplish during his p/f time that will give him the satisfaction of doing something productive.  It sounds like he is handy around the house.  I know of a business called rent-a-husband.  (Handyman service ONLY! Grin)  It is something that is done on a time available basis, so he can schedule his time around HA's if his are regular.  I was doing a similar type of work myself until the last accident wiped out my back, and it can be rather profitable.  What are his strengths?  Build on them and see what can be developed.  he might find that he likes the independence and flexibility more than working a regular job for someone else.
 
Hope this helps.  Give him a hug for me and tell him thanks for what he is doing for his family.  To many don't take the time to get involved with their kids that way.
 
Jerry
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