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My MIL Fran is finally at peace (Read 9508 times)

Jackie CH.com Moderator CH.com Alumnus Offline Go For It!!! Posts: 5903 Goshen, IN Gender:	Re: My MIL Fran Reply #25 - Jun 4^th, 2008 at 6:17pm Keeping talking to us Dennis....you are not rambling, Sweetie... We're all sending prayers and love. Jackie
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DennisM1045

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Re: My MIL Fran
Reply #26 - Jun 4^th, 2008 at 7:11pm

Quote:

Dennis - Please watch for the following. Many hospice workers have told us that a person will often wait to die until all of their family has left the room. Somewhere deep inside, they don't want to put them through that.

Sounds crazy, I know. But that's what my father-in-law did. He waited to let go until we had all gone to the living room.

You are right on the money Bill. The same thing happened with my Father and my Father-in-law. It's like they hang around for the benefit of everyone else.

It'll get quiet later on...

-Dennis-

Where there is life, there is hope.
Where there is Oxygen, you must use proper caution.
So be safe, don't smoke while using O2. Kill the pain and not yourself.

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Angie CH.com Alumnus Offline Supporter Forever Posts: 213 \|Bracebridge\|Canada\| Gender:	Re: My MIL Fran Reply #27 - Jun 4^th, 2008 at 7:33pm My heart felt prayers to you both. This is a tough time. My mom also waited till we left the hospital. I felt when I was with her a push to leave. It was overpowering. She passed 5 minutes after we left. Prayers to your family
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George

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Re: My MIL Fran
Reply #28 - Jun 5^th, 2008 at 1:57am

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Doesn't sound at all crazy to me. My mother-in-law did that, and so did my father.

Dennis, I know it's a hard, hard road. Please know that we're all thinking of you folks during this time.

Best wishes,

George

"Whoever loveth me, loveth my hound." (Thomas More, author of "Utopia", and Chancellor of England. 1477-1535)

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sandie99 CH.com Hall of Famer Offline Wish it, dream it, do it - inspite the pain! Posts: 11975 Finland Gender:	Re: My MIL Fran Reply #29 - Jun 5^th, 2008 at 2:41am ((((((((Dennis & family))))))))) Keep on writing, if that helps... Prayers are on their way, Sanna
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LeLimey Ex Member	Re: My MIL Fran Reply #30 - Jun 6^th, 2008 at 1:48pm Thinking of you all Dennis, just wanted you to know we're all with you honeybun lots of love to you all Helen
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kevmd CH.com Hall of Famer Offline Who needs a hypothalamus anyway? Posts: 524 x0\|philadelphia\|USA\|\|0\|0\|PA,Pennsylvania Gender:	Re: My MIL Fran Reply #31 - Jun 6^th, 2008 at 2:45pm She is lucky to have the 2 of you with her. My prayers and best wishes to you and your wife. I've gotten a little insight into the kind of person you are and I can say with 100% certainty that your wife is very fortunate to have you there to lean on
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DennisM1045

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Re: My MIL Fran
Reply #32 - Jun 6^th, 2008 at 2:55pm

kevmd wrote on Jun 6^th, 2008 at 2:45pm:

She is lucky to have the 2 of you with her. My prayers and best wishes to you and your wife. I've gotten a little insight into the kind of person you are and I can say with 100% certainty that your wife is very fortunate to have you there to lean on

Thanks Kev but NO WAY! I'm the one that married up here. I'd be nothing without her. She's my rock and my inspiration.

-Dennis-

Where there is life, there is hope.
Where there is Oxygen, you must use proper caution.
So be safe, don't smoke while using O2. Kill the pain and not yourself.

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Cathi_Pierce

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Re: My MIL Fran
Reply #33 - Jun 7^th, 2008 at 10:54am

There's a specail calm that comes over a house when this rite of passage occurs. I'm not gonna say it is easy, but, somehow, it is special to those who rally round.
My mother rallied a bit when my sister arrived from CA. We talked in the livingroom while Mom slept that deep sleep thatis almost a coma.
We remembered that the Hospice nurses had told us, with our father, he needed to know "his girls" would be ok.........so we reassured him. That was what he had been waiting for. He slipped away peacefully an hour later.
Now,My sister and I have had a pretty bumpy relationship since adulthood. She came up to be with Mom as she was dying. I think Mom wanted to know if we'd mended our fences. Sure enough, we ended up in a spat......I finally stopped my sister from her rantings and said "wait, this is not what Mom would want"..we stopped our scrapping, and got to giggleing as we looked for a spare toothbrush, and ,woudln't you know it, THAT ws the time Mom chose to slip away from us. I think she knew we had handled our difference, and felt we would be fine from that point on.....
Mom died peacefully, with her daughtes both close by.......and what I remember most, in that shrunken, wracked countenance that was my mother, was, till her eyes closed for the last time, her bright blue eyes sparkled with her love for us...........and, as the sun rose, the birds chirped and hundreds of monarch butterflies filled the air.. her spirit? I'd like to think so........

Dennis, I'm glad you are the man you are. I'm certain that you have stood by your wife's side as this rite of passage is performed.

Oh, and let's all say THANK YOU to the angels who are Hospice. The level heads and the warm hearts when we can't think through our grief.
What amazing people they are.

Cathi

« Last Edit: Jun 7^th, 2008 at 11:03am by Cathi_Pierce »

Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away.

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DennisM1045

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Re: My MIL Fran
Reply #34 - Jun 8^th, 2008 at 8:55am

Thank you for sharing that Cathi. Cry

So the vigil continues. Everyone is exhausted. Sisters head home for cat naps and showers only to return within a few hours. My 2nd oldest daughter has been here since Thursday. Couch space is at a premium.

Andrea napped a couple of times overnight but hasn't slept more than 5 hours in the last 48. I’m probably double that in the same period. I’m up whenever Andrea is not overnight. Otherwise she is afraid to sleep. She trusts that I’ll wake her if she’s needed or when the time comes. Thank God I'm not in cycle right now.

Unfortunately my wife's two brothers and one sister are squabbling instead of pulling together through this. In the process my house has become a bit of a battle ground. One brother hasn't been here since the 6th. The other left yesterday morning and hasn't been back. Old feuds are boiling over and no one is thinking straight. Now it's angry phone calls instead of shouting matches in the front yard.

I just sit back and try to keep as much as I can from Andrea. This involves keeping all the phones by my side and filtering calls. Nothing negative gets through to her.

Can't they all just wait till this is over? Isn't there enough pain? They've got the rest of their lives to hate each other.

Fran has been in a coma since yesterday afternoon. She continues to deny the reaper his due. Her COPD is doing the real damage now and her struggle is desperate. Fran’s features sink and smooth as that which is her slowly slips away. Still, her body labors on clinging to life. I pray her mind is oblivious to the juvenile behavior swirling around her.

I don’t know how much more of this I can stand. There’s the phone again…

-Dennis-

Where there is life, there is hope.
Where there is Oxygen, you must use proper caution.
So be safe, don't smoke while using O2. Kill the pain and not yourself.

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LeLimey

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Re: My MIL Fran
Reply #35 - Jun 8^th, 2008 at 9:01am

I think it's fear that makes people act like that Dennis, fear and guilt.

They can't cope, they are afraid of whats happening, regretting stuff they did and didn't do, facing life without "mum"..

They feel bad the burden is all on you and sometimes we react in stupid ways, instead of pulling together we pull apart, it's ourselves we "hate" - not anyone else.

I'm not excusing anyone, just trying to help you see that YOU are doing the right thing in letting Andrea have as much peace around her as you can allow right now

You're a good man Dennis. I'm so very proud to know you

love
Helen

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Lizzie2

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Re: My MIL Fran
Reply #36 - Jun 8^th, 2008 at 9:47am

Dennis,

I'm so sorry that I've missed this thread until now - having been on the board only here and there the past several days. Fran, Andrea, you, and your entire family are in my prayers.

This truly is one of the most difficult things that a person can go through, and I'm sorry that some of the family are choosing to fight and behave in such a way instead of coming together, as they should.

Hang in there - you are an amazing strength, yourself, and I can tell you've done so much for Andrea just by what you've written here!

You all are in my prayers...

Hugz,
Carrie

~~"Don't know much about your life. Don't know much about your world, but Don't wanna be alone tonight on this planet they call Earth."~~

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Brew Ex Member	Re: My MIL Fran Reply #37 - Jun 8^th, 2008 at 10:57am Dennis - You'll be able to stand as much as you have to. It seems as though you've compartmentalized your role as the heat deflector. Embrace it - you won't regret it. Even if those around you don't understand just yet. They will eventually. You're a good man.
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nani CH.com Alumnus Offline Clusterbusters Posts: 8356 Los Lunas NM USA Gender:	Re: My MIL Fran Reply #38 - Jun 8^th, 2008 at 11:52am Y'all are still in my thoughts and prayers, Dennis.
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DennisM1045 CH.com Alumnus Offline One wave at a time! Posts: 3437 Haverhill, Massachusetts, USA Gender:	Re: My MIL Fran Reply #39 - Jun 8^th, 2008 at 4:41pm Quote: your role as the heat deflector. Let's just hope none of my ceramic tiles get damaged. -Dennis-
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Cathi_Pierce

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Re: My MIL Fran
Reply #40 - Jun 8^th, 2008 at 4:58pm

Dennis,
God never gives us more than we can handle...........although he might be testing your limits right now.
Perhaps it is time to tell the feuders that this is a stress=free zone. Noone is allowed to enter...or phone your house unless it is for a purpose other than the obvious sparing that tthey seem to enjoy. I hate discord, but, under any circumstances, it has no right to interfere with Fran's last days with her loved ones! Sheesh! That should be a given.........besides, arguing is so exhausting.......
Give yourselves time to rest, please and don't worry about everyone else..........you'll get thru this, somehow.
Fran's very lucky to have you both,
Peace
Cathi

Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away.

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DennisM1045

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Re: My MIL Fran is finally at peace
Reply #41 - Jun 9^th, 2008 at 7:19am

The long ordeal is almost over now. Fran passed away early this morning with her four daughters and one granddaughter watching over her. I hope she is laughing and dancing with Oliver.

A big thank you to everyone here who has been in our corner this past week. It has been a help to know you guys were there.

This is one sad house right now. I have to go pick up the pieces...

-Dennis-

« Last Edit: Jun 9^th, 2008 at 7:19am by DennisM1045 »

Where there is life, there is hope.
Where there is Oxygen, you must use proper caution.
So be safe, don't smoke while using O2. Kill the pain and not yourself.

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Mosaicwench CH.com Sponsor Offline www.mosaicwench.com Posts: 3507 Near Milwaukee WI, USA Gender:	Re: My MIL Fran is finally at peace Reply #42 - Jun 9^th, 2008 at 7:29am I'm so sorry I missed this post earlier. Godspeed Fran. They live on in our hearts and in the memories of those who loved them. Dennis and Andrea, I'm so sorry for your loss.
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barry_sword CH.com Alumnus Offline Mountain Biking Keeps Me Sane Posts: 3947 Bracebridge, Canada Gender:	Re: My MIL Fran is finally at peace Reply #43 - Jun 9^th, 2008 at 7:32am RIP Fran. Dennis, our deepest condolences to you and the family. Barry&Angie
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Brew Ex Member	Re: My MIL Fran is finally at peace Reply #44 - Jun 9^th, 2008 at 7:35am Please accept my condolences, Dennis and Andrea.
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Gator Ex Member	Re: My MIL Fran is finally at peace Reply #45 - Jun 9^th, 2008 at 7:43am I am very sorry for your family's loss, Dennis. Mike
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midwestbeth Ex Member	Re: My MIL Fran is finally at peace Reply #46 - Jun 9^th, 2008 at 7:47am I am sorry for your family's loss Dennis. You have my deepest condolences. Beth
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Cathi_Pierce

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Re: My MIL Fran is finally at peace
Reply #47 - Jun 9^th, 2008 at 8:13am

Godspeed, Fn......to think! No more suffering!
Dennis and Andrea, you've done a fine job. My sympathies go out to you as I know there is a big hole left in your lives, but iteill begin to heal and the pain will fade while the memories grow.
Fran was lucky to have you both.
Now, some sleep, first, before anything else.

Peace,
Cathi

Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away.

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deltadarlin CH.com Alumnus Offline I love YaBB 1G - SP1! Posts: 3823 Downsville LA Gender:	Re: My MIL Fran is finally at peace Reply #48 - Jun 9^th, 2008 at 8:24am Dennis, YOu and your family have my deepest sympathy. Just remember, Fran is now unemcumbered by the frailties that kept her body earthbound. Carolyn
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Grandma_Sweet_Boy CH.com Alumnus Offline What Goes Around Comes Around! Posts: 4496 Georgetown,Ontario Gender:	Re: My MIL Fran is finally at peace Reply #49 - Jun 9^th, 2008 at 8:26am Condolences Dennis and Andrea. Fran's battle is over and she is at peace. Hugs Carol
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