"My wife is having a super hard time with these things.  It's absolutely racking her emotionally, and I don't know how to make it better for her.  So..."

Mate, you've already taken the greatest step toward supporting your supporter - admitting and accepting that her pain is far worse than ours.

We endure it.  They suffer it.

If you're one who needs to be alone during a hit (like so many of us) ensure she knows it's not because you love her any less and an extra kiss afterwards and "thanks for understanding" doesn't go astray. Fair dinkum, it's so difficult for them to stay away but they know they have to, and it's a pretty tough call.

That's just one example but the most important part is that you and your beloved just sit down while you're not getting belted, holding hands, and discuss it so she knows how best to help.

Supporters are good like that and we love 'em to bits.  She may even choose to crawl aboard here and chat with other supporters.

Hope so.

     I pay them.

          Potter

Brian and John are pretty smart me. Their advice is dead-bang  on. Your supporter somehow has to understand she is NOT in control of this, therefore, she is not responsible.
As Brian said, a thank you, a special night out, a kiss,,,,,,,all these, when you are not being rammed by "hisself" will help her. Best of all, conversation when you are both up to it, about the beast, and perhaps something specific she can do while you are dancing. Something as simple as ice or frozen peas for your noggin.
MOST OF ALLLLLLL....Please invite her here to chat with other Supporters. Everyone here has something to offer, and everyone has experience.
She will be welcomed with open arms and a lot of understanding as well.........
Wishing you PF

Cathi

Jackie is so right. Education goes a long way and there's no place like this site to start learning. I don't get here very often these days. For some time now, Brian and I have had limited accesss to computers - so for the sake of convenience - Brian communicates with CH.com while I take care of the relatives. However, I digress! Before Brian discovered this site, life was a very grim thing indeed. What little information we could lay our hands on was unenlightening, we didn't know of anyone else who was afflicted, doctors were at best sympathetic but largely unhelpful and we felt extremely isolated.

While I managed somehow to realise that my falling apart with anxiety, guilt and frustration was the last thing Brian needed, I was at a loss. All I could do was pray, and someone up there finally listened. One night I caught the tail end of a radio interview with Professor Goadsby. My attention was suddenly riveted by the word "clusterheadache". I sent away for a transcript of the broadcast the next day. It was our first step towards sanity, and our second was coming to CH.com.

There's a lot of reading involved. It can't all be done in one fell swoop, but as much as is known about the nature of the Beast is all here for the asking. It can only help your supporter to understand your suffering so much better, and hopefully free-up communication on both sides in matters of how to help each other. My heart goes out to both of you!

Denny
(SHOODABINANUN)  

Supporter's ROCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Please try to convince her to come here.  There is no reason she should be scared to post and ask questions.

Everyone here will be extra kind and helpful.  I promise.  In case she decides to sign in...what is her first name so we will know who she is?


Linda

Give your supporter a hug once in awhile and just say "Thanks for being there" I, as many, find that when in cycle I am not in the best of moods, guess the beast just wears us down. We do not mean to snap at you and sometimes we just take you supporters for granted.

I am taking my supporter, my rock, Angie for an awesome lunch today at a Japanese Fusion Steak House for a little treat for her just to say thanks for all she does.

Remembering to keep the scripts filled, the o2 full, have I taken my Verapamil this morning, giving me my space when getting hits but staying close enough to keep an eye on me and so on.

Like I said, you supporters rock!!!
Thanks again you guys, you help more than you will ever know.

  Barry