A few thoughts to keep you occupied the next time your wife drags you off shopping .
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> Why you should not take your hubby shopping
> After I retired , my wife insisted that I accompany her on her trips to Wal-Mart . Unfortunately , like most men , I found shopping boring and preferred to get in and get out . Equally unfortunately , my wife is like most women , she loved to browse . Yesterday my dear wife received the following letter from the local Wal-Mart .
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> Dear Mrs. Smith ,
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> Over the past six months , your husband has been causing quite a commotion in our store . We cannot tolerate this behavior and have been forced to ban both of you from the store . Our complaints against Mr. Smith are listed below and are documented by our video Surveillance cameras .
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> 1. June 15: Took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in people's carts when they weren't looking .
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> 2 . July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals .
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> 3 . July 7: Made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the women's restroom .
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> 4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official voice , Code 3 in Housewares . Get on it right away .
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> 5. August 4: Went to the Service Desk and tried to put a bag of M&M's on layaway .
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> 6. August 14: Moved a CAUTION - WET FLOOR sign to a carpeted area .
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> 7. August 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told other shoppers he'd invite them in if they would bring pillows and blankets from the bedding department .
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> 8 August 23: When a clerk asked if they could help him he began crying and screamed , Why can't you people just leave me alone ?
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> 9. September 4: Looked right into the security camera and used it as a mirror while he picked his nose .
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> 10. September 10: While handling guns in the hunting department , he asked the clerk where the antidepressants were .
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> 11. October 3: Darted around the store suspiciously while loudly humming the Mission Impossible theme .
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> 12. October 6: In the auto department , he practiced his Madonna look by using different sizes of funnels .
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> 13. October 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed through , yelled PICK ME ! PICK ME !
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> 14. October 21: When an announcement came over the loud speaker , he assumed a fetal position and screamed OH
> NO ! IT'S THOSE VOICES AGAIN !
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> And last , But not least .
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> 15. October 23: Went into a fitting room , shut the door , waited awhile , then yelled very loudly , Hey ! There's no toilet paper in here !