Its 2:30 and I have watched every TV show on the DVR, read through EVERY page of jokes on here, researched where i can get some O2 (found an etank with reg for 35$ shipped on ebay) a week ago i did not even know what an Etank was.
And why? Because my bed scares me.  Myself and fear have only a nodding acquaintance at best and now i am scared of going to sleep.  i love to sleep, I'm good at it, now i don't wanna go. 
Ive had a handful of cycles before, but they have always been kinda mild and short, never more than one a day. and yesterday three...(still trying to see where i fit on the "kip scale"....7's  go to bed at 1, up at 4 for two hours with a CH, back to bed at 630, up again at 8 for another 2 hour round, try bed one more time at 11, back up at 1 for another session that does not seem to go away till night.  chewing up vicodin all day for not a bit of relief.   the day before was a clear day. few days before 2 of them.  and one a day for the last few weeks.   What is tomorrow going to bring??  I swear i've felt the beginning of a panic attack coming on.   this is not who i am or who i want to be. I'm strong (usually)  i'm the guy on the big motorcycle, or in the boat, or in the airplane, or workin on the jeep. not the guy with haunted eyes scared of his own bed.   I've had a pounding head all day long and im GLAD because it is just a regular bad headache and not one of those damned clusters. (or its rebound, or shadows..just not sure of all of it yet)  After all the reading on here i dont know whether i feel better about it all or worse.  i know in my head that the pain is going to get worse before it gets better, but dont know if its better or worse to read about everyone else's.  I suppose its good to know that others have this problem too..but it sucks for yall that you know too.  I have been prescribed (and have picked up) my indocen and verapamil, neither of which i've tried before. maybe they will help.  someone on here has the sig of a line of "until it sleeps"..i listened to it again and man it seems to fit pretty much the whole way dont it?  also Nickelback's line "been there before, but not like this..seen it before but not like this..never before have i ever seen it this bad"  seems to fit. and yet its going to get worse.  I keep going between pissed off about it and feeling like crying.  and as i said, that aint me.  It will all be ok and I'll win this round..and the next..and the next..until eternity lets us part ways. just a little blue about it right now.

now that the rant is over lets have a proper intro....

Hi, my name is David. I am 26.  I live in Darlington, SC.  I work at an airport fueling and moving around other peoples toys.  I have a great girlfriend.  I like to ride motorcycles, go fishing/boating, and have just gotten an old jeep CJ5 i am working on.        And have currently started a new cycle, unfortunately the worst one yet.  It has been 3-4 years since my last one.  I have done a lot of reading on your site the last few days and hope that some of the things on here work for me.  I still need to do some more looking and find what to try.  Might have to try the Red bull thing, and am in the process of getting straight to try the O2 thing if the..indocen does not work.  I thank you all for all the information and ideas that i have been reading on here for the last few days.

Once again I am sorry for the rant, but if any of yall are like me you have felt the same way and probably ranted the same way once or twice.  Im sorry to have met yall under these circumstances, but am glad to know there are people out there that understand.

David

Hi David.....Welcome aboard. Take Chuck up on his offer.It will be well worth the effort!

I'm not sure,but I don't think he bites!

All the best.

Hi David and welcome to your 2nd home and your 2nd family.  I'm sorry you are here but damned glad you found us.

So many are exactly where you are when they first find this place.  With time, education and access to the right doctors I see most of them find their lives again.  I count myself among them.

Don't lose heart.  Don't lose patients.  There are solutions that work for the vast majority of us.  Unfortunately your solution will be unique for you and the journey between here and there can take a bit of time and trial.

Self education is your best defense.  Take a look at these links.  They provide a good overview of the current thinking in treatment.

Multimedia File Viewing and Clickable Links are available for Registered Members only!!  You need to or
Multimedia File Viewing and Clickable Links are available for Registered Members only!!  You need to or
Multimedia File Viewing and Clickable Links are available for Registered Members only!!  You need to or

There are also non-traditional treatment options out there

Multimedia File Viewing and Clickable Links are available for Registered Members only!!  You need to or

Good luck.  We'll be here for you.

-Dennis-

Thanks for the welcomes.  Its good to not be alone in this.  I know I dont suffer near as much as some of yall, and for this i am glad for myself, and absolutely hate it for you.  I have had a constant headache for 2-3 days now, but have gotten two nights of unbroken sleep and no CH's in those two days.  Is this constant headache what you call the shadows?  or is it the little pains that come up like a very mini cluster just to remind you they are still there? (have been having them).

ClusterChuck. man it sucks that you have them all the time. i am really glad that the O2 works for you. 
As for the Vicodin..we have been together off and on for years for various things..toothaches (which the last few days im wondering if i did not have a few teeth yanked because of a cluster and not a toothache)  Kidney stones, shattered bones (damn crotch rockets) etc.  I know when i am getting to like them too much. And while they do not help with the clusters, they do help with the other constant headache.
I have not purchased the o2 bottle yet. did not really think too much about getting it filled.  If i did i figured i would find some way to get it filled the first time, then fill it myself out of a big welding bottle.  I messaged the guy that has it and he apparently has a lot of stuff. he is going to find a High Flow regulator to put on it (if i decide to get it). I'll just run up to your house and fill it off your bottle 
I really appreciate your post and the offer to call and talk, which im sure i'll take you up on soon.  but tonight i am gonna go to bed about midnight and hope for night #3 free.


Guiseppi:  I started the Verampamil last night at 120 mg. I know it is less than most take, but gotta start somewhere.  I am already huffing and puffing like a 90 yr old smoker instead of a 26 yr old one.  Hopefully that will go away in a few days.  I am going to try the o2 after i go steal some from chuck.   Today i have been wondering if maybe i am making more of this than there is, just being a wimp about it...and wondering if maybe this is all there is going to be to it and im done for a few more years.  Maybe its true..and maybe my brain is LYING to me.  Its amazing what we try to forget aint it?

DennisM1045:  Thanks for all the links, they are open in different windows for me to read up on.  Like the GI Joes say  "knowledge is power"  When i do loose heart and patience i only loose it for a little while. it always comes back. I am too hard headed to give up. 


Iddy;Brew: thanks to yall for the welcomes too. Unfortunately  (under these circumstances) im sure we'll all be together for a while, many times over and get to know each other.  Hope to find out you all have a wild side and sense of humor.

Yeah 120 mg is a fairly low dose. Some go as high as 960 a day, others find relief at a lower dose. Just a cautionary note, don't adjust the dosing without a doctors supervision. Everyone reacts differently to it and it requires a doctor closely monitor you while you ramp up on it so you don't end up with dangerously low BP.

And warped senses of humor??? Oh yeah, you'll find those here!

Joe

I like this guy!

Joe

PS: and no matter what...we were GRATEFUL!