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vienna87

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Scared and Helpless
Apr 17^th, 2010 at 7:28am

My boyfriend's been having cluster headaches since he was 18. We've been together for a while now and while I knew of them, I've never witnessed an attack. When he was 18, he got them 3 times for a day for an hour each time for about 3 weeks. The next cluster happened 5 years later and again now, 3 years later. They started again last night. I found him pacing in the living room downstairs and had no idea how to help.

He asked me to drive down to the pharmacy to pick up his prescription which he keeps renewing every year just in case and had 2 attacks lasting for a hour, both times locking himself in the bedroom until they stopped. This man means the world do me. He's gone to hell and back for me and it's killing me to stand by and watch him go through this not being able to do anything to help.

Is there anything at all I could be doing to help?

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Iddy

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Re: Scared and Helpless
Reply #1 - Apr 17^th, 2010 at 8:16am

Vienna..you have already started to help him by coming here. Supporters are wonderful.

There is a treasure of knowledge on this site and you can learn much. All of which will enable you to help out your boyfriend.

What are his meds? Has he tried o2? Energy drinks Red Bull and the like. Give the o2 info a read.

Come back and ask questions.

Thanks for being there for him

Iddy

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"If you can, help others, if you cannot do that, at least do not harm them." Dalai Lama

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FramCire

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Re: Scared and Helpless
Reply #2 - Apr 17^th, 2010 at 10:55am

The best thing to do is wait for a time when he is in good spirits and not having a CH and let him know that you are there for him and ASK HIM what you can do for him. Tell him you are willing to do whatever he needs. When not being hit, he should be able to give you a good idea of what he would like.

Best advice is always stay away if he wants you to, get him something if he wants you to, and don;t take it personally if he wants to be alone.

Being a CH supporter is harder than having CH in my mind.

Also, keep reading and talking. There are a ton of awesome supporters here to help!

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You've overstayed your welcome since the day we met but it doesn't seem to matter to you. No medications are your master, nothing makes you fret, it's a helpless feeling having nothing I can do

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Linda_Howell

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Re: Scared and Helpless
Reply #3 - Apr 17^th, 2010 at 11:04am

Vienna, Iddy is correct. You've already started helping him by coming here.

If he has had CH since he was 18 I would assume he knows quite a lot about this condition. Sit down with him when he is NOT having an attack and ask him what you can do. As soon as my husband sees that I am starting to get hit, he makes a pot of strong coffee for me and puts an ice cube in it so I can drin k it fast. Then he quietly puts an ice pack near me and if my tank of oxygen runs out mid-way thru a hit he will replace it for me as he knows that I am not in the right frame of mind to do it myself. Then he goes into another room with the door slightly ajar so he can hear if I call for for anything. He knows to leave me alone. Oh boy, does he know. LOL

All supporters like you feel helpless, but except for what HE asks you to do, don't let his pain take over you. There are some wonderful supporters here and hopefully they will be around soon to add to what I've said, since I am a sufferer.

Linda

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Jackie CH.com Moderator CH.com Alumnus Offline Go For It!!! Posts: 5903 Goshen, IN Gender:	Re: Scared and Helpless Reply #4 - Apr 17^th, 2010 at 11:56am Read/study all you can...here and on the OUCH site (button on the left) Knowledge is power and you can be his greatest advocate. Good luck....we're here to help. Ask questions if you need to. Jackie
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QnHeartMM

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Re: Scared and Helpless
Reply #5 - Apr 17^th, 2010 at 2:30pm

Vienna, you mentioned picking up his prescription - do you mind sharing what he takes? There are medications that are intended to prevent the headaches from coming on while in cycle, and then those to help abort an active attack. The oxygen (O2) is also a mainstay around here. There's a section on this board to discussion treatment/medications so let us know what he's doing for treatment.

I'm a supporter, my husband starting having headaches at about 19 as far as I can tell, but wasn't properly diagnosed til a few years later. His name is Guiseppi - you'll see his posts on this board. When he gets hit, I do similar to what Linda's husband does, get him an icepack, pour him a glass of redbull, and leave the room. I named his Oxygen tank "Oliver" and we don't leave home without "him". It's all quite managable once you have the proper tools. Still hurts like hell for him until we beat it down, and hurts to watch.

Let us know how to help you, help him.

Christy

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Treat people with kind words.

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Mosaicwench

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Re: Scared and Helpless
Reply #6 - Apr 17^th, 2010 at 3:54pm

I'm a supporter too, and I can only echo what all the other supporters have said. You're here, that's a start. And you're never alone - we're all here doing what we do best - support!

Does your boyfriend come here? He might get some good ideas on how to fight this evil beast from other sufferers - and know that he's not alone, either.

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bonkers

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Re: Scared and Helpless
Reply #7 - Apr 17^th, 2010 at 6:14pm

Hi Vienna,

When your boyfriend is NOT having an attack, find out from him what he knows about his headaches. There is REALLY a lot of information here. If he's unwilling or unable to dig the information out for himself - like my son is - do it for him so that you can educate him about his condition. Outside of just being there for him, make sure the doctor he is seeing is a headache specialist or at least a neurologist/pain specialist who treats other cluster headache patients. You CAN help him.

Good luck,

Ron

p.s. - I don't mean to be inappropriate, but sex is helpful to a lot of clusterheads during an attack (something about the endorphins produced during sex or something like that).

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Excessive sorrow laughs. Excessive joy weeps.
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Linda_Howell CH.com Moderator CH.com Alumnus Offline Do not feed the Moderators Posts: 11927 Santa Maria, Ca. Gender:	Re: Scared and Helpless Reply #8 - Apr 18^th, 2010 at 3:08pm Quote: but sex is helpful to a lot of clusterheads during an attack man....that is the very last thing on my mind during an attack. Don't even touch me.
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deltadarlin

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Re: Scared and Helpless
Reply #9 - Apr 18^th, 2010 at 3:16pm

Linda_Howell wrote on Apr 18^th, 2010 at 3:08pm:

Quote:

but sex is helpful to a lot of clusterheads during an attack

man....that is the very last thing on my mind during an attack. Don't even touch me.

I think Jimbo would bitch slap me if I tried anything like that when he was having an attack (not only that, it'd be hell getting the O2 tank in bed with us).

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FramCire CH.com Alumnus Offline Life like a froward child must be humored a little Posts: 1710 Bolivar, MO USA Gender:	Re: Scared and Helpless Reply #10 - Apr 18^th, 2010 at 6:04pm I told my wife that the rumor was that sex was good as a prevent not an abortive. Now, it works at different dose for each person, but I believe taken 2 twice daily works the best for most Chers. For some reason, she didn't believe me.
Back to top	You've overstayed your welcome since the day we met but it doesn't seem to matter to you. No medications are your master, nothing makes you fret, it's a helpless feeling having nothing I can do IP Logged

bonkers CH.com Old Timer Offline What is THIS? Posts: 308 San Diego, California Gender:	Re: Scared and Helpless Reply #11 - Apr 18^th, 2010 at 7:13pm Works for my kid. Maybe 'cause he's 26?
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