Send them to this site

It's OK MDR.  They know about this site, but I think the fact they cannot "see" me in pain, makes them question it.  I remember how a friend of the family came into my home with her family when I had just ended with a CH.  I was sitting in the front room, experiencing the after effects with one eye shut and a bit of rocking while sitting.  She sat down in one of the chairs and just stared at me until I was able to speak again.  She didn't see the attack itself and I think after that, she doubted that I got any severe HA's.  It's like seeing the last 2 minutes of a movie and making a judgement based on that!  Anyway, to get to my point, her and her husband and kid hung around my husbands aunt, uncle and cousins a lot after that, and their attitude toward me changed.

Fast foward to now.  I feel like my honesty and character are under attack all the time due to that one instant 3 years ago.  Just because of that one instant, other aspects of my personality have been under question.

I almost feel like there has been a label automatically slapped on me!

And if they don't believe? The issue is not changing them but understanding why it's so important to you. Right now, you are under their control....not a good place to be.

Baseline: their ignorance produces arrogance--and there is no solace there for you.

You know you get CHs and you know the agony you go through. People here know exactly what it's like to go through a CH. So if some other person decides that it's all something you are making up then it's them who has the problem, not you, just like if they decide that the world was made by a flying spaghetti monster despite all evidence to the contrary.

Just concentrate on what really matters, that's you and the people who are important in your life.

Mel,

Your husband knows and still loves you.  We know you and still love you.  As to the rest, they try to make themselves feel better by making you out to be less than you are.  They lose, not you.  They lose your respect and confidence.  They lose the friendship and fellowship they could be having.  What have you REALLY lost?  Hanging around a bunch of self-centered, self-absorbed people who cannot see beyond the end of their noses. 

There is an old saying, "there is none so blind as he who will not see" that fits.  They don't WANT to see, because if they really did they would feel an obligation to do something to help, and they don't want to put themselves in that position.

I may be to harsh, but I really don't think so.

I think Bob gave you some very sage advice. 

Jerry

"The dogs bark, but the caravan moves on." Old Arab proverb

Live in and accept your husbands love and let the rest go.

Mike NZ wrote on Oct 24^th, 2010 at 3:40pm:


What evidence to the contrary!!?? ARE YOU INSINUATING THAT THE WORLD WAS NOT MADE BY A FLYING SPAGHETTI MONSTER??!! 

Seriously though,  Melissa your in-laws basically sound like a bunch of class A jerks.

Of course most people don't care to try to comprehend what CH is even if it is clearly described to them. Let's face it, people are jerks about things like this, and many of us, like say ...me...for instance, would quite possibly be behaving the same way if we had never experienced CH. 

I don't tell anyone about my CH unless I absolutely have to - I've heard enough of the "it's probably sinus headaches", etc.

bejeeber wrote on Oct 24^th, 2010 at 11:59pm:


How could I upset all those Pastafarians out there?

For those who are now confused, read the article below and all will be clear:

Multimedia File Viewing and Clickable Links are available for Registered Members only!!  You need to or

The flying spaghetti monster is about as valid an explanation for the creation of the universe as several other explanations, although I must admit to having a preference to the explanations with a grounding in physics myself.

MJ wrote on Oct 25^th, 2010 at 12:49am:


Before I was diagnosed I remember reading up about CHs after being prompted by my better half as she thought it was a good match to what I was going through. But I rejected it as I didn't believe I could have something like that. It's "other people" who get things like that, not me. I do find it hard to imagine that level of pain once a CH is over, however that could easily be a coping mechanism I have.

This is a tough one Mellissa. Obviously my wife and daughters understand, they've seen me at my worst. The rest of my family have occsionally tried to understand, but when I hear myself trying to explain the pain, I'm almost embarrassed at what a whiney little baby I sound like!

Bob makes an excellent point...as a man..it used to be VERY important for me to try and make others understand that MY pain was the worst! Now I realize, that A: It's a waste of time to try to explain my pain level....and B: When I need to vent I have my wife and this board who actually understand, and for me, that's enough.

joe

mikstudie wrote on Oct 25^th, 2010 at 10:36am:


C'mon, it's JUST a headache!

Joe

Mel, theres not a family member in the world or anyone that can understand unless they have felt CH or have seen a full attack,thats just the way it is. The name "headache" makes people ignorant. I dont blame people when they dont understand ( I wouldn't). How do you explain to someone that you had a bad headache last night and had to walk around the neighborhood for 3 hours chuging red bull and chain smoking.   Take a Excedrine and quit pissing and moaning,it's just a "HEADACHE" 

Hi there Melissa

Love , Thoughts and understanding your way



Blue

Mel,

I know we try our hardest to not be seen when getting hit, and you said one of your family saw you in the aftermath and didn't think much of it.  For quite a while I didn't go to church at night when in cycle (before chronic) because I always got hit during that time of night.  One Sunday though I got hit during the Sunday School hour.  I wasn't teaching that day, so I slipped out the door and went into an adjoining room that was empty and was pacing it off.  It only hit about a K5, so it wasn't all that bad, but one of the kid's mother came into the room and saw me.  She knew I had CH, but had no idea what it involved.  After seeing me walking holding my head and trying to be quiet she realized I DO have a serious medical condition.  She wouldn't believe it wasn't a bad one, but what she saw was enough that the whole church soon knew I was dealing with some SERIOUS pain issues.  She was able to empathize and has become a great supporter. 

I'm not suggesting you let the family see a bad hit, but if they were to be around during something it might give them just a bit of understanding.

I still try to stay out of sight if I'm getting hit at church, but I don't stay away any more if I can make it because most of the folks there have a better understanding of what it is.  They also know I can empathize with some of their medical issues which gives me a point of outreach to them.

Jerry