A business man walks into a local bar one night after an out of town convention and orders a beer. While waiting he was standing before the bar checking everything out and notices 3 very large glass pickle jars filled to the brim with 5 dollar bills.
The bartends lays a cocktail napkin down on the bar, and places a frosty beer down ontop of it. Eagerly awaiting the bartenders arrival he points at the jars and asks "what's the story with the jars with all the 5 dollar bills init?
Bartender-Its and ongoing bet we have here and NOBODY has ever won.
Man- What's the bet? There must be thousands in there!
Bartender- Well sir, just to hear the bet will cost ya 5 bucks, and if decide not to take it....the money stays.
The man think "hell its only 5 bucks....its a small price for such an opportunity", he reaches into his wallet and hands the bartender. The bartender climbs on a stool and tosses in the 5 with the others. He climbs down and approaches the awaiting man.
Bartender- see that gallon of pepper tequlia?
Man- yeah
Bartender- you gotta drink every last drop in ONE drink. And do mean all!
Man-ok, is that all?
Bartender- nope, we got a Rottweiler out back with a sore tooth and you gotta extract it, and finally....we got a hooker upstairs that's never had an orgasm and you gotta set her straight. Mr you do all that and the money is yours.
Man- WTF!?! Drink a whole gallon of tequlia in one drink?! And it only gets crazier after that! F**K THAT! Keep the money.
So after about 4 beers and a few shots, he stumbles over to the bar and says.
Man-Izit tue late ta take on dat bet?
Bartender- nope
The bartender pulls the bottle down and sets it before the man. Meanwhile, a small crowd begins to converge on the and man the bartender and grasps the bottle. He chugs down the tequlia in one big gulp. With streaming from his eyes and cheeks flushed red.....staggers to the backdoor. As total silence falls over the room, sounds of barking, screaming, growling, groans, howls and then dead silence. Moments later, the man emerges from the door with suit ripped, splatter blood all over a cut and scratched body. He staggers his way through the awe-stricken crowd and collapses at the end of the bar. He regains composure (or whatever was left) and signals for the bartender. A speechless bartender approaches the end of the bar to the man rising to his feet and says.
Bartender- yes?!
Man- sooooo....where (hiccup) is zat lady wiff de sore toof?

Miss Davenport, the church organist, was late in her eighties and had never been married. She was admired for her sweet personality and kindness to everyone.

One afternoon the pastor came to call on her and she showed him into her livingroom. She invited him to have a seat while she prepared tea… As he sat facing her old Hammond Organ, the young minister noticed a decorative glass bowl sitting on top of it. The bowl was filled with water, and in the water floated of all things, a latex condom!

When she returned with tea and cookies they began to chat. The pastor tried to stifle his curiosity about the bowl of water and the condom, but soon it got the better of him and he could no longer resist.

‘Miss Davenport’, he said, ‘I wonder if you would tell me about this?’ Pointing to the bowl.

‘Oh, yes!’ she replied, ‘Isn’t it wonderful? I was walking through the park a few months ago and I found this little package on the ground. The directions said to place it on your organ, keep it wet and it would prevent the spread of disease. Do you know I haven’t had the flu all winter!’