I need some shoulders to cry on here. I've had CH since I was 11, but it was only diagnosed a few years ago, because I live in waaaay rural NC, where every headache is a hormonal thing, according to some of my doctors.
I have in the past taken Zomig, oxygen (but I think with the wrong mask), and Verapamil 180 mg.
This round started in February. I tried to deal with it on my own, using the mask, Imitrex (100 mg tablets, but I break them in half because they will only give them nine a month, and I also stockpile them in off months), and the Verapamil. They just won't stop. They've never lasted this long, and I just kept telling myself, it'll stop in a few days.
I finally went to GP today, and got an appointment at Duke University, which won't happen until June. In the meantime, I've been put on 80 mg Prednisone, to taper off over ten days, in addition to everything else.
I'm a kindergarten teacher. I don't smoke, drink, or take drugs. I am overweight, but I have been on a diet and exercise plan since September. Over the past few years, I've been getting 3-4 headaches a day, usually for about a month in February or March.
I've used all of my leave. I am sinking farther and farther into the hole financially. I can barely work a full day of work, and my co-teacher has had to assume a lot of the responsibilities. I can't even go out with friends anymore. If we go to a movie (my favorite pastime), I know I probably will have to leave halfway through if the pain starts to creep back. I work as much as I can, and rush home when the shadow starts, because I only live three minutes away from school. I turn on the O2, and take the Imitrex, and curl up on my knees with my head buried in the couch, squeezing my head until I think it will just shatter. This is multiple times a day, for months. When it's over, I feel so exhausted I can barely move.
I just don't know how I will make it to July. I'm terrified the Prednisone won't work. I'm scared I'll lose my job, even though my boss is super awesome. She says I'm her best language teacher, and she won't lose me. If anything, I'll get moved to a desk job upstairs to develop curriculum, and work as a substitute in the building as needed. I couldn't ask for a better boss. But I'm harder on myself than she is. I hate myself, and I hate that I am weak and out of control. I can't fix them, and I don't know what to do.
I've talked to a therapist before, but not often, as it gets expensive, and never during a cluster, just because I don't want to leave the house. But I feel like, one, day, I'll just give up, and I'll be so out of my mind with pain that I won't be able to rationalize myself out of it.
Someone, out there, please tell me you know what I mean. Please tell me it gets better. Even if you have to lie.