Hello everyone... A little venting but mostly just thanks to all. Update...

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Posted by Mike (B) ( on July 11, 2001 at 01:15:09:

Hello again everyone, (Groans. Oh no it's HIM again :)

Alright, alright. So I writes a little too much sometimes. Is just me being me :) Ok, for those of you who might want to know (If you don't, well, I guess sorry for your luck Pal. :) I have had a few more developments in my little CH soap opera. Thought I'd share them because it helps me and because I wanted all to know that your time made a difference for me. So here goes:

I was very very depressed and down all day today because I missed work again. My boss sounded pretty pissed at me this morning. Was hardly able to talk to him because of the pain but I called anyway. Have been getting hit right where it hurts by the beast lately and just could not take it anymore... I told you all of my problems getting help...

I'm not sure if it was to good of an idea but I e-mailed my boss (And no, it was pretty short. He's probably about halfway done by now :). I told him if he felt like it to check out the info here on this site, maybe he'd understand what's going on with me. Like I said, maybe it was not such a good idea but what the hell. At least he won't think I'm crazy now, just totally insane :) Jesus, what the hell was I thinking?!? He'll probably show up at the door in the morning with a priest or my pink slip and my last check now! LOL! I don't know... I figured what the hell, you know?

Ok, Ok. I have been able to get about 3 hours of interrupted sleep today (At night, I usually don't get hardly any). Which I am happy about. Thak you very much. Sleep for me lately is usually like I go to sleep then about fifteen minutes later, I am awakened by a full force attack. Real lovers. So, that's not really that much sleep I guess. Though I am falling head-over-heels in love with that pre-sleep kind of drifting feeling. Bliss.

So, to the point(S):

For some reason(?!?), I tend to not give doctors much credit (They have to earn it with me first. No freebies) and when I really need help it seems like they always crap on me. This was the case yesterday (Sort of). So, I told you guys about that. I had hit the point which I usually do which is to say 'Alright the hell with the doctors, I'll friggin die before I demean myself like that again'.

Now, today I was having a real real bad one and as soon as it started to ease up a little I jumped in the car, intent on picking up that scrip for Percocet's that I was scorning yesterday. Kind of hypocritical I know but hey I was really hurting and even small mercies are sometimes worth it seemed like.

Anyway, I got about halfway to the pharmacy and I was having this blinding pain so I pulled over to the side of the road (Hey, I didn't want to kill anybody, just get some meds :). I sat and waited in the car for about fifteen until I could sort of concentrate again. Then I sat up and looked around. The local hospital was right there (for some reason I had taken a route that passes close by and in my confusion I had made a wrong turn). So, feeling like I could not take this crap another minute and remembering all of the advice that all had given me, and saying to hell with giving up, I went on into the ER to get me some.

I was having the usual symptoms and after a while they sent me off to the 'minor emergency' area. I kind of got pissed about that but I kept my mouth shut. Anyway, I'm glad that I went. I got the proverbial prize banana. I was seen by a young doctor who actually listened to what I was trying to say!
He asked me if I wanted Demoral or other pain stuff and I refused (While waiting, my CH had faded down to about a 5 or 6), instead asking for Verapamil, o2 or Stadol (?) or some other abortive (Thanks Johhny) medication. Besides, it seems that I am building up a whole damn pharmacy of pain killers (I think four bottles of 'em is enough) He said that he was sorry but he could not prescribe me those CH kinds of things. Instead he gave me a shot of Toradol and some kind of stuff for nausea (He said he did not think it would help much for the CH's but that it would help tone things down) I told him that all I wanted was an emergency referral to a neuro guy and he granted me my wish! I now have that daggone referral! This guy was pretty good BTW. He talked about some stuff that I have only seen here on the site relating to CH. Said some pretty good stuff. New I guess LOL! Anyway, I am pretty happy about this turn of events.

I especially wanted to thank all of you for being supportive and giving me suggestions and the strength to go on (Especially, Rebeka, a supporter who took the time to email me and said some things which stuck. I would not have tried again without her words of encouragement. Thanks Rebeka!).

So, here I am. The SOB is coming back. It's been getting worse. I've been having porobably 8-10 a day or so of varieing intensity and duration but they are increasingly very ver bad ones. In the day and the night (esp at night). I kind of wish that my dad would come and get that damn gun out of the house. I have been that low and hurting. I am glad to hear that others are whipping the beast's bastard ass because he's sure been whoopin mine :) Gives me a good feeling. Take it right there you SOB. Yeah! Give 'em another! WooHoo! :)

Ok, so now. I'm getting another one coming on and I can't tyope much more (Everyone sighs in relief :). Iam still scared and I know it's gonna hurt like a bitch and I still might lose my job (Gotta try and go in tommorrow) (And I will poroibably be thinking about that damn demoral I turned down) So why the hell am I soo happy?

Because maybe, just maybe I've got a chance to kick the beasts ass now!

Thanks a million all of you. I was feeling soo damn tired and helpless and depressed and was hurting soo damn bad that I was thinking very bad verywroing stuff. So, you guys are all the best. My prayers are really starting to cut into my sleep now, I've got so many to pray for! LOL!

I am tired, hurting and coinfused a lot but remain hopeful! Thanks you all soo much!

Love and PF days to all of you, Michael B

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