Frustrated after a day in hell...

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Posted by Carl D ( on September 16, 1999 at 02:52:18:

Well, I made it to the specialist appointment today. Had to fight tooth and nail to see the Doctor, as they hadn't received the payment for today (it was thier fault, they didn't give me a suite # or dept. #). They told me that they could reschedule and I went off! I said " Look, I had to wait for six months for the first appt., and had to cancel due to lack of funds, and had to wait an additional three months to actually see the doc, now - If your tellin me I have to wait another three months - It won't happen. I'll blow my brains out and I'll take somebody else with me." Um, that got thier attention. Needless to say, after going upstairs and downstairs and repeat, I finally got to see the doc, with the promise that the precious payment would be forthcoming. I hate the way doctors act like drug dealers. " I dunno man, you want relief...It'll cost ya...and I can't front nothin'."

Well, I'm starting Neurontin for the second time. She said I didn't take a high enough dose to make a mouse squeak, so I'm starting at 400mg and going up to 800mg in two weeks, on top of the Verapamil 240mg @ 3x's a day, Ambien at night (to see if I can finally get sleep), and - yes... O2. I have the regulator already, so now I just have to get a tank. Called to get the price of my meds - Out of reach for now. I have Verapamil and Neurontin, Just can't afford the O2 or Ambien. So again, I play the waiting game (man, when do I get to play the Dating game? Oh wait, I forgot - you need a life for that.)

So, after 3 total CH's, a nervous breakdown, a couple of mood swings (more like punches)... I guess you could say I spent the day in hell: ie, nothing out of the ordinary. Talked to her about the depression and such, and she recommended a shrink who is supposedly good, but very expensive. Yeah right, um - I haven't worked in over a year, and I'm supposed to pay a guy to tell him how bad my life sucks? Gee, after I knock over a couple of crack whores, I should have enough (unless it's a slow night).

Now that I'm coming down, I'm all bummed out again. I guess I should stop there before I start whining or something like that.

Hey drummer, I mentioned Topomax and it went right over her head twice. Took three times to get through to her I am desperate for sleep. Will grab it eternally if I have to. So she prescribed the Ambien. Now I have to wait on that too. Oh well, let's see what happens next in this f#@&ed up soap opera I call a life. Carl D

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