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Posted by Margi ( on September 21, 1999 at 10:35:14:

In Reply to: looking for someone to chat with for support of living with a loved one that has chronic cluster headaches posted by rosemary warner on September 20, 1999 at 20:55:12:

Hi Rosemary,
I, too, am a supporter. My husband, Mike, is 42 and has had episodic clusters for more than 20 years. I have been with him for 14 of those years. It has to be one of the most difficult jobs to stand by feeling totally helpless when they are going through this pain. I have been where you are and I completely understand what you are going through. You feel as if you want to take their pain away and yet you know you probably couldn't tolerate what they go through.
The biggest and hardest lesson I have ever learned is to leave Mike alone when he is under attack. You want to be there. You want to help. But, in my case, Mike needs to be able to focus on the pain and keep himself calm and this takes a tremendous amount of concentration in order to do that. How can he accomplish this if I am there firing questions at him? He can't. So I stay within earshot and wait for his cues. Yes, it's hard but you will get through it. Please check your email, I've done some writing on how it feels to be a supporter and you may be able to relate.
Talk to you soon.

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