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Posted by Substitute ( on November 13, 1999 at 08:55:40:

Q - Why is sleeping with a man like a soap opera?
A - Just when it's getting interesting, they've finished until next time.

Q - What is the thinnest book in the world?
A - What Men Know about Women

Q - How many men does it take to screw in a light bulb?A - One. Men will screw anything.

Q - What's a man's idea of foreplay?
A - A half hour of begging.

Q - How can you tell if a man is sexually excited?
A - He's breathing

Q - What's the difference between men and government bonds?
A - Bonds mature

Q - What do men and beer bottles have in common?
A - They're both empty from the neck up.

Q - How is being at a singles bar different from going to the circus?
A - At the circus the clowns don't talk.

Q - What do you do with a bachelor with thinks he's God's gift?
A - Exchange him.

Q - Why do bachelors like smart women?
A - Opposites attract.

"Good morning, class. Before we begin today's lecture, I should like to discover how well ye have been tracking the previous material.
Miss MacMaster, will ye stand?" {She stands.}
"Can ye tell me, which organ of the body achieves 10 times its normal size when it is excited?"
{She stammers, reddens, says nothing.}
"Ye may sit down.
Mr. Campbell, can ye answer that question?"
"It is the pupil of the eye, sir."
"Vurra good.
Now, Miss MacMaster, I have three things to say to you: One, you have not done your homework,
Two, you have a dirty mind, and Three,
you're in for a big disappointment.

Two elderly women were talking when one said, "The preacher came by the other day and said at my age I should be thinking about the hereafter."
I told him, "Oh, I do all the time. No matter where I am, in the parlor, upstairs, in the basement or in the kitchen, I ask myself what am I here after?"

Johnny came home from school with a note from his teacher, indicating that "Johnny seems to be having some difficulty with the differences between boys and girls," and would his mother, "please sit down and have a talk with Johnny about this?"
So Johnny's mother took him quietly, by the hand, upstairs to her bedroom, and closes the door.
"First, Johnny, I want you to take off my blouse..." He unbuttoned her blouse and took it off.
"OK, now take off my skirt..." Johnny took off her skirt.
"Now take off my bra..."
He did.
"And now, Johnny, please take off my panties."
When little Johnny finished removing them, she said,
"Johnny, PLEASE don't wear any of my clothes to school any more

A fellow decided to get back to the land and do some farming, so he went to the feed and stock store. The store owner said, "Well, to raise chickens you need a pair, a cock and a pullet." The young man said, "OK I'll take 'em." Owner continued, "You'll need something to pull your plow, I have an ass that's a little old, but you can afford him. He gets a little cranky sometimes, but if he stops on you, just scratch him behind the ears and he'll get moving again." "OK, I'll take the ass, too," said our new farmer-to-be. So he began walking down the road; a chicken under each arm and pulling the ass by the lead. About a mile along, the ass stopped and won't move. Our friend was standing there, not wanting to put down the two chickens, but trying to figure out how to get the ass moving. Suddenly a farm girl came along. Without thinking, he said, "Miss, can you do me a favor and hold my cock and pullet while I scratch my ass?"

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