It must seem

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Posted by Ted ( on November 26, 1999 at 02:28:38:

In Reply to: Why I Give Thanxs posted by Gil on November 25, 1999 at 18:45:13:

like you're the one going through the hardest of it all, not knowing really what she is going through with these torturous episodes.

1. It came across to me, and I may be wrong, by the way you wrote your first complaint that you don't really understand it. I mean, "...she's too proud to say she needs help when she has but one more headache." That looks like an attitude of diminishing, almost negating, her pain as merely just a headache, at worst. I'm guessing that you don't offer her much support and make her feel weak by asking for support. I've been in that situation before and refuse to ask for any help because when you are suffering through these, it only intensifies everything to be taken as a joke.

2. The last place that most of us want to be, especially when it's hit the ER stage, is amongst a group of guests, or any people for that matter. That's probably why she was in the bedroom. To be alone. Not to avoid telling that there was an overdone turkey. Hell, I wish everytime that I had to leave a room filled with guests it was only because of the "suffering" of having to say that part of dinner was burnt.

3. Again, given what seems like a total lack of understanding of the CHs, let alone the lack of support, I can understand taking the car herself. Also, she may have been thinking that it would be bad enough that she couldn't stay for the dinner, but she didn't want to pull you away too or have an ambulance blaring with lights flashing as they rush in, all disturbing your dinner.

4. Cleaning up HER mess? Didn't you say that she was doing all the cooking for a large Thanksgiving dinner party that she didn't even get to enjoy? And that her pain was so intense that she had to go to the ER? Of course you clean up the mess that was made while she worked through the pain for you. If someone stuck a red-hot stake through her eye, poured salt in it and continually kicked her in the head with steel-toed boots, would you expect her to clean it up after getting back from the ER? "Cause there ain't a lot of difference.

5. How is she doing? I hope that she was able to catch a break from these headaches last night.

C'mon man. You're her husband. Act like it and show her some understanding and concern.

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