Posted by Elaine (126.96.36.199) on December 27, 1999 at 08:41:03:
To all my friends that are episodic I feel I owe an apology to you. I was told that episodic sufferers
of clusters sometimes feel like they have a back seat on the board. After thinking about it I can see how
you would feel that way I am here as a chronic suffer to tell you, that you ride in the front seat with me.
I don't know what it is like to be episodic. Sometimes I wish I was, so I would know the feeling of life
without pain. But then I think of your shadows always letting you know the demon was there, and you never
knew when he was going to hit. I think of months without pain and how disappointed and mad you must be
when he returns.
I did not have a cluster for three weeks and I was so happy, then the shadow came and the demon laughed
at me, he let me know he was still with me. I was so disappointed. It made the clusters seem worst when
they came back. I do not think I could stand months without pain and then the pain come again, that would
be harder on me. I do not think people with chronic cluster ever meant to make any of you who are episodic
feel bad about posting. I sure did not mean to! I have very high respect for you people, your pain and your
fears . Some day I may be episodic and your experience as a episodic may someday help me. Please know this
board is to help all who suffer from clusters. Please post and accept my apology and know I care very much
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