the end of my rope

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Posted by Bryan Dennison ( on January 28, 2000 at 15:23:56:

have been a chronic CH sufferer for sixteen years. get 4-6 headaches a day without exception. dont sleep anymore,its to risky. so i stay up as long as i is not uncommon for me to be awake for 50-60 hours at a time. once i do fall asleep, i will awake usually an hour after i fall asleep to blinding pain(you all know what that is like.) After the pain abates i crash just to be woken again an hour later to start again. it is a vicous circle that is hard to break. over the years i have tried everything to beat this. the list is so long that will not go into it now. The hard part is that no one in my life has any concept of what i deal with. they have no idea of the consequences of sleep deprivation are. if hear that i am mentally disturbed one more time i might snap!! i have lost eveything because of these headaches. my family thinks i use the pain as an excuse to be lazy and do as little work as possible. my friends dont understand why i dont want to go out and be social(as if debilitating pain in a public place isnt reason enough to not go out.) my wife left me because she couldnt deal with the pain anymore. last week my girlfrien broke it off. im all alone in the world. when i was fifteen and the pain first started i vowed not to let myself fall into a depression(for obvious reasons.), but in a deep depression is where i am at right now. i dont know how to dig myself out of this hole while i am suffering as much as i am at the present anyone at the same place i am at now? please tell me.

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