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Posted by Amy ( on February 06, 2000 at 06:47:51:

In Reply to: To all: When is your check-out time? posted by Francois on February 05, 2000 at 22:53:59:

Dear Francois,
I'm sorry but I do not understand you. Maybe I do not want to but reguardless I do not. It's 4:01 and I'm awake. No not from a Ch but I'm here. I'm dealing with a demon so horrific it's effects upon my body are that way beyond Ch their is not a medicine, their is not a cure, thier never will be but yet I deal. I am not belittling the effects of Ch because I am a sufferer just like everyone that is here on this message board, every person listed in the guest book, & every person that is beyond the walls of ch.com. Being able to breathe one single breath is a gift much less being able to grow, touch, smell, hear, think, love, feel pain, laugh... if you get to do this once in your life you are more than lucky. But what happens when the pain of life has gauged deep bloody gashes into your soul & the bad overcomes the good? Well I'll tell you:
Continue to live. Why?
1. You live for that baby who was born & didn't quite make it.
2. You live for that lady that while driving home had a car accident leaving her head detatched from her body.
3. You live for that homeless person that froze to death alone in a dark alley because all the shelters were full that night.
4. You live for the rape victim that was stabbed 17 times in her chest & died.
5. You live for that cancer patient that wants nothing more nor expects nothing more than to wake up & see the sunrise but dies in her sleep that night.
6. You live for every letter of each name engraved on every war memorial around the world.
To do ANYTHING less than this when you have a choice is self indulgent. I know this may be viewed as a harsh statement but I will not tolerate nor give sympathy to the thought of suicide. Granted I have not walked in your shoes nor have you walked in mine but I will tell you that you are not alone. You can choose to be alone just like you can choose to die but you have a choice. Remember that & then think about every word in sailpappy's post. I laid on wet cold ground once with a fiqure above me who I did not know who til this day cannot put a face on... I almost had no choice and the only thing I wanted was to have a choice. I wanted to see my sisters one more time, I wanted to tell my parents that I did love them, I wanted kiss my fiance once more, I wanted see that perfect color of cyan blue the sky becomes just before black velet sets in...., I wanted to know that my next breath was not going to end with a stab wound to my chest.
The worst pain that exsists could not tear me from this life & never will. When I die there is going to be one hell of a fight. Why do you dare contemplate this route I will never understand.

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