Posted by Carl D (220.127.116.11) on February 06, 2000 at 13:31:30:
In Reply to: To all: When is your check-out time? posted by Francois on February 05, 2000 at 22:53:59:
Technically, I wanted to check out long ago. Everyday I fight with the thought of driving my car to a remote place, sticking a hose in the exhaust and linking it to the window. Everyday I think of wrapping a rope aroud my neck and jumping off of some high up object. Everyday I think about checking out.
Everyday I stay is another day spent in hell.
But there are the pain-free moments. Sometimes it is hard to see-through all of the depression and extreme exhaustion, but there are beautiful points to life. Life in itself can be very beautiful. Fighting a beast such as CH can sometimes hide those moments, and can distort the meaning of everything around you.
I can't say if or when I will check out. This has been quite a battle for me. Some days are good, some days are not so good, and some days just flat out suck!!! Lately, these days have sucked!
I am beginning to believe that for everyday you do not "check out", that is another day that you become stronger.
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