Gosh I don't know how to deal with this

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Posted by NickD ( on March 05, 2000 at 10:52:08:

In Reply to: Totaly not ch related.But I need help re:sexualand mental adbuse on children who are now adults. posted by Doug L on March 05, 2000 at 08:42:21:

In 76, my wife gets a call that one of her uncles just died, she hangs up the phone, gets totally hysterical and for the first time, I learned that this uncle sexually abused her as a child, hell the guy was dead, couldn't pound the crap out of him, spend years talking about this with all the relatives that my wife claimed were sexually abused as well and never could get hard evidence that she was sexually abused or not, called the law and the statue of limitations was well past, but I gather this law has been changed in many states, still don't know if she was abused or if this was part of a mental illiness that popped up from somewhere, but it had a drastic effect both on our marriage and our children. I know the penalties for this crime are very severe, but in another light, that I tried to explain to my wife and this was constantly ongoing, is that after a full medical checkup, there was nothing wrong with her, in my own personal opinion, and this is just me, I would rather be raped (provided that I don't contact AIDs) than have someone come to me and cut off both my arms and legs, my crude thinking on this, is that you are still physically okay, you ran across an asshole, but your life still can go on, years of counseling never helped her on this subject and it got so bad, to protect my children and myself, a divorce was the only solution, my kids can't stand that word sexual abuse because they heard it a million times, I think it's safe to say that it's more of a mental than a physical condition. I had a major accident recently, but still hop in my car, from the years of the pain and suffering of this accident, if I had any common sense I should be afraid to death of cars, but what the hell, drove for 30 years before the accident and had fun doing it so why stop now, just hope that I never run across another asshole driver or at least have two seconds to respond. Not everyone is a sexual abuser, a child is very helpless if exposed to this unreal devastating experience, but as an adult should be able to defend themselves if this is any help, I had this fear of bullies when I was a small child was even robbed of all my clothes by a gang of big kids in Chicago, but as I grew and became strong, this fear went away, learned martial arts and could knock down a guy twice my size and have done so.

Not anymore with severed ligaments in my body, but the years of CH's and this accident have tapered my once strong fear of death, ironically my wife actually divorced me and right after my accident, I think she depended on me way too much for both her protector and provider and I think the biggest enemy is fear, if your friend can't overcome this fear, you may be in for a long painful relationship, sounds easy, but we all are going to die, I learned that I can take some very major pains, so that doesn't scare me anymore, so we may as well enjoy each day as it comes, but this sounds too easy.

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