I made it back here too...and some bla bla bla of my own : )

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Posted by Dave ( on March 21, 2000 at 05:22:29:

Hello all,
Been away for a bit, changing from one computer to another. Missed all of you, but I've caught up on all the postings. Welcome to all the newcomers!
Instead of trying to respond to a lot of posts, I thought I'd try to put them all together and hopefully not make a mess of it or bore you : )
Here's my take:
Cluster Headaches. Ive been guilty myself of playing the "who's to blame" game. Hopefully I am over that now. It is a natural reaction. But, for myself, I think it was a waste of time. I mean, did God give me this disorder for a reason or part of His "chosen plan"? I could only hope so, it would make it an honor.
But, maybe He didn't. Maybe it's just the result of the world we have shaped? Didn't we (with or without a God) make this world what it is today? Isn't it we who are responsible (whether through creation or evolution) for choosing to kill others in the name of everything from reasons of religion to plain greed? We who destroy the earth and pollute the skies? We who allow those in power to run us ever closer to destruction? We who allow there to be classes of poor and rich. We who allow prejudicies to create injustice?
We are responsible for all. Yes, as a whole, we made the choices. We allowed disease through our lack of not taking care of this great planet, and by abusing it.
Maybe God did give us this world and life. Maybe He did give us an "operating manual". Maybe we figure we know how to work it without the instructions. Any way it goes, we haven't gotten it right yet. But, I for one am glad God doesn't step in and "fix" everything. I have CH, whether by God's plan or not, I have to accept that. Can't find any reason to blame Him. Nor could I blame Him for the death of a person crossing a road in the path of a bus. Was he jay-walking? Was the bus driver alert? Maybe just an accident? We built the roads, we built the buses, we built the crosswalks and lights....we built the whole city. These devastating pains in my head do not tell me whether there is or is not a God, they simply say there is something wrong with my body. Did God give me these pains? Who cares? I think it more important how I deal with them.
I find it interesting that through all the suffering we share, the depression, the fear, the misunderstandings, the loneliness, the despair and frustration...we still hold on! We must see something in life to make it worth it. And it must be something mighty special we see or feel to make us endure.
Maybe we are special ourselves?
I have never seen so many strangers come together and create so much energy! Through their own agony, clusterheads put aside their own problems and reach out to help others.
It's simply amazing.
As many of you know I run a charity for abused children. If I could find any way to harness the same type of compassion and dedication I've seen in this group, my mission would soon find a happy ending. This site is full of truly special people. What makes this group so special? I have to say this, whatever causes this disorder, also causes some of the most wonderful people I've ever seen come to share, listen, understand and give hope. And I can see no way this beast will not be eventually defeated.
Notice how often a new sufferer comes to the site pleading for help, then in a matter of just a few days or even hours, they are comforting another newcomer?
No, I don't need a miracle healing from God to see His work. I see it in here everyday. Whether or not we all believe in the same things doesn't matter. What matters is, that I can honestly say, if I have to live with a disorder, I can find pride in being amongst some of the most wonderful people I've ever known.
That's my silver lining and I'm sticking to it! : )
And as I close I pray God blesses each and every one of you, whether a believer or not, just letting you you know you all mean the world to me and I can only hope the best for you!

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