Suicide hotline...please hold.

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Posted by Carl D ( on April 05, 2000 at 08:05:59:

I got 3 hours sleep last night, woke up around midnight with a 10+ headsmasher that lasted for over two hours!!! Was ready to ram my head through the wall. I tried lying down after the attacks subsided and I was calmed down, but started shadowing intensly so I got back up. But hey, 3 hours is better than nothing (which is what I am accustomed to as of late.)

I have been trying to see a Psychologist for my depression and, well, January got rescheduled for February, that was rescheduled for March 21. They sent me a letter rescheduling for April 11th, and now they've rescheduled me AGAIN!!! Now my appointment is May 9th. Good thing I'm not suicidal or anything.

I miss television. Haven't had any T.V. in over a month now.

By the way, about my book, someone said they think it needs more humor (exactly what I said about 'Schindlers List'.) So I am thinking of adding a few new characters like: a crossdressing midget pharmacist; A psychotic apartment building manager obsessed with coconuts; and maybe a nurse with tourettes! Maybe I'll make the doctor cold and callous, someone who cares only about money (wait, thats TOO CLOSE to real life.)

I know I have a serious problem when it comes to doctors; but it is a result of the medical abuse I have suffered due to my financial status and to thier lack of wisdom or compassion. If I ever find a good doc who is knowledgable and compassionate - I won't know what to do. I do have to say my GP, Dr. Konzen, is all in all a pretty good doc. He sent me elsewhere when he realized that my CH's were out of control and beyond his abilities. At least he could own up to it. Most docs will act like they know what they are doing when they haven't the foggiest notion. That really annoys me. I think my second to last neuro was offended that I knew more about clusters than he did - and more of the treatments, side effects, effectiveness, etc. I should have went to med school - after all, everyone says I need more patients (or is that patience.)

I think I am a pretty patient person. I just don't like waiting.

Uh-oh. I'm either building a hard shadow, or something is about to hit. I guess I'm outta here for now.

Carl D

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