Posted by Elaine (152.163.205.9) on May 15, 2000 at 11:49:32:
Well yesterday was Mothers day, I did something different I went to a music festable with a friend. Well it was out side. The day was a hot one in the 90s
I was doing ok. But a cluster hit. My first thought is to look for a exit. But I had already done that and there was no place to go. The music was playing so nobody noticed me rocking or my leg shaking except my friend. A pair of sunglasses hid my eyes. We sat there together rocking and waited the beast out. Hell I could have yelled and got by with it there.
Later on in the day I was hit with another one but this time it had started raining. I did not feel the rain. I sat there rocking as everyone else went for cover. My friend stayed with me. I know my friend was cold but I was not. No one could even tell I had cried because of the rain. Here we sat in the poring rain thunder and lighting. My friend never complained. I think the cold rain helped my cluster it ended and we headed for cover.
I control myself much better in public, than I do at home, but it takes a lot of energy to do this. To keep the pain inside where people around you don't know how bad it it. At home I deal with it a whole lot different. I cry and rock on the floor. If I had done that there they would have locked me up.
I told my friend I was sorry and of couse being my friend all they would say is shut up! I asked if anyone else around us noticed and was told yes one lady was watching me but she had a look of confussion on her face.
My friend that was with me did not mind the looks and to my surprized didn't say lets leave. We had a great day, Except we looked like we had a shower in our cloths. I did not feel like I had ruined anyones day. I hate to have to leave a place when I am having fun. I know the demon will be gone in a short wile and I will be normal again. I hope my friend reads this and know how good it made me feel that they stayed with me and did not let it upset them nor did they let it upset our day. What is even more surprizing is my freind wants me to go again in the near future. When I told my family they were surprized. I hope this will show them the day is not lost when a cluster hits only a hour at the most. I had a great day ;-)!