my version of can't we get along

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Posted by stevek ( on May 23, 2000 at 15:16:36:

I'm writing this because of regrets that I have about things I have said and have not said.

First off - I found this site about a year ago, and was thrilled. I had not met anyone who understood the pain of CHs. I posted a few times after watching (reading) for awhile. I then stopped visiting as often because as the summer ends, my cycle will start. I get very anxious as the time comes. I have had CHs for 13 years, and last year was the worst ever. I got the "I can't go on feeling". The three CHs in 24 hours really knocks me out. But then again I am a wimp when it comes to pain.

After finding this site I was better prepared than ever. Stock piled meds, O2 setup, and a group of people who understand. As the winter months came and went without getting a CH I was beginning to believe I might have a CH free year. Then in mid March my mother dies on a vacation in the Caribbean. By the end of March I was getting CHs again, although not nearly as many as a typical year.

I have gone over the last time I talked to my mother many times in my mind. Was I nice to her? Did I really listen to her? I talked to her the night before she left on the trip, but I was very busy with what I thought was important things. I could always talk to here later. Well, the next call I get from my father is to say my mother had died. Fortunately I have not had to experience this before; I had no idea how deviating it can be.

Anyway the point of writing this is to say, be kind to each other. I have changed (I think) in the past two months. I was not a patient person; I got irritated with others over little things. Now I try not to judge people, criticize, attack, and all that destructive stuff. Since time can not be turned back I don't want to have to live with more regrets. From the posts that I have read there are people here who are very kind. I hope that when I get to that desperate CH stage I can come and "talk" to kind people who do understand.

Take care,


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