Posted by Tracy (220.127.116.11) on May 24, 2000 at 04:05:27:
In Reply to: my version of can't we get along posted by stevek on May 23, 2000 at 15:16:36:
need us Steve.
I kow what it's like to lose family. I lost 3 member of mine in just over 3 years. Two of them were to cancer. Two of them were within weeks of each other.
My much loved Grandfather died when I was 18. My Grandmother died on Christmas Eve the year I turned 21 and my favourite uncle died the same New year. My grandfather died from a heart attack. My Grandmother from total body cancer (there wasn't an organ that didn't have growths on it, including her spine and brain) and my uncle died from a brain tumour.
I missed them dreadfully. I wanted to make amends with grandma (who I'd never really got on with as a child) and wrote her a letter which my cousin took back to Ireland with her. I was always told that she got it to her and read it out to her just before she lapsed into a coma and died. I found out a few years ago that that wasn't what had happened. My cousin didn't make it back before my grandma lapsed into a coma, and as she was the favoured grandchild her mum didnt want her to see her grandma so ill, so she never got to hear my letter. I feel terribly guilty as an adult looking back at how I treated her as a child. I'm not saying she was an innocent party, she didn't know how to treat children (and certainly my cousin was her favourite). But still, *I* could have done better too.
I still miss them, especially my grandad (and my Nan who died when I was 13. I didn't go to see her like I should've done).
I think we always feel guilty when someone we love dies. Did we say we loved them enough? Did we do enough for them? It's human nature.
But I'm sure you did everything to let your Mum know how much you loved her. I got very upset about my grandma not getting my letter in time, even though all this had taken place years before. But my mum said that it didn't matter anymore as my grandma, along with my other relatives, would know NOW how much I loved and missed them and how sorry I was for any misunderstandings or misdoings.
So take heart Steve.....your mum DOES know how much you loved her, how much you miss her - and Im sure she's keeping an eye on you and your family to make sure you're alright. In your darkest hours think of her and I promise things won't seem so bad.
If they do, for WHATEVER reason, (CH related or not) e-mail me (my e-mail is at the top) and we can chat for as long as you like! I work from home and am always around my pc.....I check into my mailbox regularly through the day.
There are always loads of us around the MB too. You are NOT alone - I will do whatever I can to help you. And I'm sure everyone else here would say the same. We're a family and families stick together.
Take care and God bless,
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