Gospel according to Suess

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Posted by August ( on June 15, 2000 at 11:06:51:

Someone said farther below that spiritual discussions serve no purpose. I mean no dis-respect, but..
it served a purpose this morning for me today. It took my mind off of my freakin head. Did you know that the word freakin is German for fu#k? I didn't know that until yesterday. No wonder I love that word too.

Freakin Dr. Suess is who I pray to. That man, or(maybe he was a cat) taught me all about life. He taught me to speak for the trees, because those trees don't have mouths and they need sleep deprived babbling twits like me to do it for them. Geez you'd think God would have given them a mouth at least to scream when they're getting chopped down. He could have implanted a stink bomb in their bark at least to deter.

Dr.Suess taught me not to trip on rainy days. Seeing a huge cat with a hat would be more than scary.

He taught me to not try and look like all of the other sneetches, but to make the big bucks off of them.

He taught me to be 100% faithful just like Horton.(l)

He taught me not to be vain like Gertrude McFuzz, or I'd end up looking like a freak. Actually maybe the lesson was not to pop pills. I'll have to go back and genuflect on that. I mean reflect.

He taught me not to try and be the top turtle, like Yertle. You'll just end up in the mud.

He taught me how to rhyme and how to annoy the heck out of people.

All in all he was my favorite apostle. You can find all of his teachings in the big book according to Dr. Suess. In the name of the father, the son and the holy post.

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